Bodice Tipplers

He's Tarquin, a yard dog who needs to be run off with a broom and a hose. He's Lestat, who is remarkably patient about all of this because he's shopping for a new Louis, one assumes? He's also Goblin, Tarquin's, uh, twincest ghost invisible friend? Spoilers. I really don't know what to tell you. Strap in, Jake, it's Blackwood Farm.
Yes, it's our Anne Rice-O-Ween episode!

This book has. God. I don't know how to tell you. We didn't even talk about the cockfighting in the podcast. There's... well there's all the vampire stuff but honestly this book is so boring there's barely vampire stuff in it. There's really poorly thought out racial politics (although it turns out by the way that the plantation house was in reality built by a formerly enslaved person, but not in ANY way you might expect.) There's ghost sex. There's ghost twincest. There's really gross underage sex. There's everybody walking in on you with your dick out glazed like a Krispy Kreme. There's torture murder. There's some feet business with ya grandma. There's an intersex character handled surprisingly fine? There's ghastly interior design choices. There are crimes against punctuation. There is an EIGHT HUNDRED PAGE BOOK where VERY LITTLE HAPPENS. There are lies about Lestat being in this.

This one was a struggle. Anne almost did us in this time. I do apologize if this book is your jam but we found it... difficult. Let's say we found it difficult. Like, I was longing for the halcyon days of The Tale of the Body Thief.

Anyway for a palate cleanser instead of the Kenneth Branaugh Hamlet these people cannot shut up about how about this amazing Soviet version? If you just want a taste skip to around the 22 minute mark to see the g-g-g-ghost!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzN1isLYc_A

We do apologize that this episode is this long but to be fair, so was this goddamned book.

He's Roarke, a billionaire who's at least up front about making his money through crime and exploitation. She's Eve, a spunky pain in the ass who cuts her own hair. Together they're in like sixty freaking books!

This book does have some copraganda and some unpleasant attitudes towards sex work - it's a murder mystery cop-noir style, so you kinda know what you're in for. It's also, interestingly, set in the future.

If you're paying attention you can tell we recorded this MONTHS ago, like this past spring! We are very sorry! You can tell from the way we talk in it that we had no idea that Grande Doyenne Jayne Ann Krentz would ever want to speak to us, so although Nora has not called, we have not yet come down from that high and it might seem a little odd if you didn't know these are recorded out of order. We are trying to get back on it!

And here is my shirt where I make it clear how horny I am for public works:

Romance legend Jayne Ann Krentz (also Amanda Quick, Jayne Castle, Stephanie James, etc.) spoke to us about romance history and her new book (Enter the Nightmare, out June 30 wherever you get your books!)  We talked about the ups and downs of the romance alpha male hero, the academic essay collection on romance novels she edited in the 90's for the University of Pennsylvania Press (Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women, still very much worth a read!), the difficulties of writing paranormal romance when nobody else was, and more! We are SO excited that we got to do this - she's very cool and has been thinking about all this stuff that we're constantly talking about on the podcast for decades and had a lot of really interesting things to say about all of it.

He's Wrath, an ancient seven foot tall vampire who dresses exclusively in unflattering leather pants. She's Beth, a reporter who has no idea she's about to hit Vampire Puberty. All of their friends have ridiculous names! There are ten million books in this series and people are feral for it, let's find out why!

We are very sorry - we are doing our best but . We recorded this before Christmas! So happy every-holidays, I guess.

This one has bad dogs who die, Vampire Nonsense, murdered sex workers as a plot device (I don't think the author really treats them disposably but characters in the book certainly do), Cop Nonsense, some sex-pollen consent issues, attempted rape, and reckless use of surplus consonants.

Oh, and if you want a visual of what somebody thinks these people ought to look like, check out these amazing casting announcement photos.

He's Marius, a real piece of work! They're... it doesn't matter who they are because once they become too difficult for him to deal with he just makes another younger vampire to replace them. Yes, it's our annual Anne Rice-a-thon! This time we read Blood and Gold, a book which recaps almost every other Vampire Chronicles book including and of course especially Memnoch the Devil, the one we refuse to read. You will not break us, Anne. This seems to be the eighth book in the series and we're pretty sure she's writing them just for us at this point.

If you haven't read any of the other books or listened to our episodes on them, this may not be the best starting point - this book was clearly written for the loreseekers. You gotta be up on a whole host of weirdoes for this one to make a lot of sense. I didn't even remember some of these jabronis!

So, remember all the gross grooming business from The Vampire Armand? (Real grooming, the youth pastor kind.) It is far, far more distressing in this book because now you see it from Marius' perspective instead of Armand's, and it is so much worse. We found it actively distressing. Additionally, this is generally a book about an enraging sack of shit mansplainer. It has all the traditional Anne Rice mess turned up to 11 (although surprisingly she elides the "shit your pants" part of turning into a vampire in this one? Small blessings.) So, read and listen with care for yourself.