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The Aware Parenting Podcast

Marion Rose, PhD.
The Aware Parenting Podcast
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  • Episode 232: Help your child stop hitting
    There are many different beliefs about why children hit, and based on those beliefs, what the most helpful response to a hitting child is. Old religious paradigms believed that children were innately evil or bad and needed to be shamed and punished into being 'good'. Behaviourism believed that children needed to be taught through punishments, or removal of rewards, to teach children to stop hitting. Cognitive paradigms believed that children need to be taught that hitting hurts, in order to stop hitting. Medical models might believe that there is something wrong with a child physiologically. Some physiological maps believe that a hitting child has an immature nervous system and that they need to be taught to be calmed down. In Aware Parenting, a hitting child is in fight or flight, or hyperarousal. By definition, they don't experience being safe. There are three reasons for this: 1 ~ They aren't safe; 2 ~ The present situation is reminding them of a past trauma that they haven't yet healed from, so when they revisit that, they go into fight or flight. 3 ~ They have accumulated unexpressed painful feelings sitting in their bodies which their system interprets as a sign of not being safe, so they move into hyperarousal. The older models, with their shame, punishment, information, or calming methods, do not address the cause of the hitting, and are likely to either add more painful feelings to a child's system, and thus more fighting, or flight. Or, the child may stop hitting, but that's because they've gone into freeze, or dissociation. All the painful feelings are still sitting in their bodies. They're not feeling truly relaxed and connected to their innate nonviolence; instead, they are bypassing the feelings that are there. With Aware Parenting, our role is to help the child actually know that they are safe now. If we punish, or shame, even with an "it's not okay to hit", that won't lead to safety. If we get harsh, or disconnect, that doesn't help them experience being safe. However, when we move in close in particular ways and offer either loving limits or attachment play, we can support our child to know in their body that they are safe now. When they experience being safe, they no longer need to be in fight or flight, and will stop hitting. Then they can continue the innate physiological process of completion of the stress and trauma process, which includes releasing the feelings through either crying and raging with our loving support (if we've offered a loving limit), or laughter and play with our loving support (if we've offered attachment play). In addition, they are releasing the tension mobilised for fight or flight, which includes vigorous movement - such as the vigorous movement or a tantrum, or of a power-reversal pillow fight. They are also experiencing a sense of successfully completing the process, by being powerful this time, which helps change memories of danger and powerlessness into those of safety and power. This active process is different to the calming down that other approaches advocate for, which tend to lead to dissociation instead of true relaxation and resolution. When a child moves through this whole process, they emerge out the other side, naturally relaxed and nonviolent. We didn't need to shame them, punish them, teach them, or calm them. They innately know how to become truly relaxed. They just needed us to know how to support them to do that, and to not prevent the process from happening! If you want my free PDF to learn more about this, you can find it here: https://marion-rose.myflodesk.com/help-my-child-stop-hitting-free-pdf You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/ You can also find me here: https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/ https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/ https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/ www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD
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  • Episode 231: How Aware Parenting creates transformation with Linde Lambrechts
    Join me as I welcome Linde Lambrechts back on the podcast! Linde is an Aware Parenting instructor, Psychotherapist and Psychologist. Linde was a guest on episode 210, where she shared an experience that I found deeply moving. In this episode, Linde shares her profound journey with Aware Parenting, discussing the transition from mainstream parenting to understanding the true causes of behaviours in children and adults. We explore the nuance, depth, and transformative experience of practicing Aware Parenting, highlighting the importance of addressing our unmet needs as parents, and developing deep self-compassion. Both of us reflect on our personal experiences as psychotherapists and psychologists, and how what we see working with adults in their own healing journeys inspires our work as Aware Parenting instructors. Linde shares her passion and vision with Aware Parenting, and together we talk about the supportive, life-changing community that Aware Parenting welcomes parents into. Linde finishes by sharing about her work, including the special birthday offer she has on at the time of recording. You can find out more about Linde and her work here: https://www.instagram.com/lovinglimits/ https://www.facebook.com/linde.lambrechts https://www.lindelambrechts.be/ You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/ You can also find me here: https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/ https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/ https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/ www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD
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  • Episode 230: My first children's book ~ 'I Love You, However You Feel'
    Welcome to The Aware Parenting Podcast! In this special episode, I celebrate the launch of my first children's book, "I Love You, However You Feel," by reading it aloud. I highlight the unique nature of the book, which uses flower photographs to help convey nuanced feelings. Emphasising the importance of deep presence and unconditional love, I invite you to connect deeply with your child or children while reading this book. I also share ways for you to buy the book and take part in the 'I Love You, However You Feel' movement by sharing your own reading of the book on video. You can find the paperback and hardback on Amazon here: AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/0645857572 US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0645857572 UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0645857572 DE: https://www.amazon.de/dp/0645857572 FR: https://www.amazon.fr/dp/0645857572 ES: https://www.amazon.es/dp/0645857572 IT: https://www.amazon.it/dp/0645857572 NL: https://www.amazon.nl/dp/0645857572 PL: https://www.amazon.pl/dp/0645857572 SE: https://www.amazon.se/dp/0645857572 JP: https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/0645857572 CA: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0645857572 You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/ You can also find me here: https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/ https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/ https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/ www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD 00:00 Introduction and Welcome 00:17 Celebrating the Birth of My First Children's Book 04:28 Reading the Book: I Love You, However You Feel 08:07 Information for Parents about Aware Parenting 08:34 Where the Book is Available 10:10 Invitation to Join the Movement 12:17 Conclusion and Gratitude
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  • Episode 229: Why crying is so important
    In this episode, I talk about why I believe crying is so important in children (from an Aware Parenting perspective) and for adults (from a Marion Method perspective). I emphasise that in Aware Parenting, crying is a vital natural healing response for children, enabling them to release stress and trauma. I connect emotional disconnection in adults to societal issues and suggest that many violent and harmful behaviours stem from unexpressed grief and rage as well as from a sense of disconnection. I draw parallels between individual emotional health and historical/cultural disconnections caused by colonisation, and I track that colonisation back, step by step. I recommend the movie, 'Schooling the World: The white man's last burden", and mention scenes from the film that highlight what I'm talking about. By supporting children in feeling and expressing their feelings, parents can help their children feel more, care more, and make more of a difference in the world. By receiving support ourselves as parents to feel more, we can also be a part of making a difference in the world. I conclude by inviting parents to see their children's tears as part of a broader context of healing and connection, not only for themselves, but also for their community and world. My new Aware Parenting book for babies and children about welcoming feelings is out! Here are the links: AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/0645857572 US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0645857572 UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0645857572 DE: https://www.amazon.de/dp/0645857572 FR: https://www.amazon.fr/dp/0645857572 ES: https://www.amazon.es/dp/0645857572 IT: https://www.amazon.it/dp/0645857572 NL: https://www.amazon.nl/dp/0645857572 PL: https://www.amazon.pl/dp/0645857572 SE: https://www.amazon.se/dp/0645857572 JP: https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/0645857572 CA: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0645857572 You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/ You can also find me here: https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/ https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/ https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/ www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD
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  • Episode 228: Separation anxiety
    In this episode of the Aware Parenting Podcast, which is part of the Foundations of Aware Parenting series, I discuss separation anxiety. I delve into the history and current usage of the term and I contrast Aware Parenting's understanding of separation anxiety with Classical Attachment Parenting's understanding. I explore various causes of separation anxiety, including developmental stages, a need for safety, accumulated feelings, past unhealed separation trauma, and the parent's own past unhealed separation trauma. I also emphasise the effect of cultural beliefs on the understanding of separation anxiety and, as always, I offer lots of compassion to parents and children who are experiencing separation anxiety. I provide practical suggestions, such as the use of separation games and listening to crying and raging, to help both parents and children experience more connection, safety, and healing. Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction to Aware Parenting 00:26 Understanding Separation Anxiety 02:24 Cultural influences on Parenting 06:52 Causes of, and Responses to, Separation Anxiety 25:59 Healing Through Separation Games 40:10 The Influence of a Parent's own Separation Trauma 41:53 Conclusion and Resources If you want to learn more about separation anxiety, I wrote a free ebook, which you can access here: https://marion-rose.myflodesk.com/gfm8bc3qf5 I also recommend reading these books by Aletha Solter, PhD.: Cooperative and Connected Healing Your Traumatized Child Tears and Tantrums The Aware Baby And these books by me: I'm Here and I'm Listening The Emotional Life of Babies All of Your Feelings are Welcome If you want to learn more about separation games, one of the nine types of attachment play, you might feel called to do my Attachment Play Course, which you can find here: http://www.attachmentplaycourses.com/join-in I'm also creating a mini course on separation anxiety. You'll be able to find that on my website. You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/ You can also find me here: https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/ https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/ https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/ www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD
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The Aware Parenting Podcast is based on Aware Parenting which was created by Aletha Solter, PhD. Marion Rose, PhD is a level two Aware Parenting instructor and the regional coordinator for Australia and New Zealand. The podcast explores all aspects of parenting and reparenting from an Aware Parenting perspective.
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