IVF DADDIES

It is the question every gay intended parent is afraid to ask:
What happens if your surrogate changes her mind?
At 20 weeks, one surrogacy journey became the nightmare nobody believed would happen. The contracts were signed. The difficult decisions had been discussed. Everyone appeared to agree—until they didn’t.
In this episode, Richard and Julio move past the headlines and ask what same-sex couples actually need to know before trusting another person to carry their baby.
Can a contract really protect you? What should be agreed before matching? What happens if your surrogate crosses state lines, refuses a medical decision or tries to claim parental rights? And if neither father is genetically related to the baby, are you still protected?
Richard draws on his experience helping more than 4,000 people create families through surrogacy to explain what reduces the risk, what warning signs matter and which conversations cannot be avoided.
Because when two fathers depend on a surrogate, an egg donor, an agency and several different legal systems, “it probably won’t happen” is not enough.
You signed the contract. You trusted the agency. You believed everyone wanted the same thing.
Then your surrogate changes her mind.
For same-sex couples, this is not just a disagreement. Neither father gave birth. An egg donor may be involved. The surrogate may live in another state. The intended parents may live in another country. Suddenly, the family you spent years creating could depend on contracts, genetics and laws you thought had already protected you.
In this episode:
• Can your surrogate legally keep your baby?
• Can a contract control what happens during pregnancy?
• What if she refuses a previously agreed termination?
• Could travelling to another state change your parental rights?
• What happens when neither father is genetically related to the child?
• How should gay couples choose and screen a surrogate?
• Which conversations must happen before the match?
• When should the agency intervene?
• Who pays if the birth happens somewhere unexpected?
• How common is this nightmare in real surrogacy journeys?
CHAPTERS
00:00 What if your surrogate changes her mind?
02:22 A contract cannot control someone’s body
04:38 The diagnosis nobody could have predicted
06:48 Every intended parent’s worst fear
09:12 When outside organisations enter your journey
11:26 What if neither father shares the baby’s genetics?
13:50 Choosing the right surrogate
16:04 Why the agency must protect the relationship
18:29 Crossing state lines—and who pays the medical bills
20:45 How one crisis can become a public campaign
22:45 After 4,000 families, how likely is this?
If you are planning surrogacy—or already matched—this is the conversation to hear before a crisis begins.
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Evidence behind this episode
Sources:
• AP, Live Action funded the travel:
https://apnews.com/article/surrogate-baby-mckenna-west-texas-207b58c36b8f53dd0ab23e0dc2afaa3a
• KERA, contract and court testimony:
https://www.keranews.org/government/2026-08-26/mckenna-west-surrogacy-case-dallas-texas-alaska-california
• Texas Tribune, court filings and case chronology:
https://www.texastribune.org/2026/08/12/texas-surrogacy-california-alaska-parental-rights/
• Live Action finances, approximately $15.7 million annual revenue:
https://projects.propublica.org/nonprofits/organizations/421764425
• CDC information on hypoplastic left heart syndrome:
https://www.cdc.gov/heart-defects/about/hypoplastic-left-heart-syndrome.html
The proceedings were continuing when this episode was recorded. The discussion contains our interpretation of publicly reported events, not a final legal determination.

Fresh or frozen? It sounds like a logistics question. It's not.
Richard gets asked this constantly, and the answer almost always depends on something the clinic never asked first: what do you actually want your family to look like?
In this episode Richard and Julio work through one of the most misunderstood decisions in an IVF or surrogacy journey. Why frozen embryos became the clinical default. What the attrition math actually looks like from egg to euploid embryo. Why egg freezing is not the insurance policy most people think it is. What a good clinic asks you before it tells you anything. And what it means when it doesn't.
Richard has helped over 500 families navigate fertility journeys. For him it's statistics. For you it's binary. This episode is the gap between those two things, made legible.
Not medical advice. Richard says that himself.
CHAPTERS
00:00 Why this question came up this morning02:51 What actually happens when you freeze an egg05:49 Why frozen embryos became the default08:42 Two sperm sources, two kids: what the math looks like11:32 What egg banks are and how a "lot of eight" works14:24 The red flag your clinic might be showing you right now17:16 Why egg freezing is not a guarantee, even in your twenties20:10 You are binary. I'm a statistic.
KEYWORDS
IVF fresh vs frozen, donor eggs frozen embryos, egg freezing success rate, embryo banking explained, PGTA testing embryos, IVF surrogacy logistics, two dads IVF, LGBTQ family building, egg donor cycle, euploid embryo, vitrification IVF, IVF clinic red flags, intended parents guide, fresh donor egg cycle, frozen egg bank

Before you sit down with your doctor and they start talking about genetic testing, there is a conversation that should happen first. Richard has it with hundreds of patients every year. This is that conversation.
Richard Westoby works with intended parents every day before they see their doctor. Pre-implantation genetic testing is one of the first things that comes up and also one of the things people feel least prepared for when the appointment actually happens.
In this episode Julio and Richard walk through what PGT actually is, the different types, what each one looks for, what it costs, and how to think about whether it makes sense for your journey. Including why Richard did not do it himself when he had his kids, why nothing is ever one hundred percent even after testing, and what the new generation of polygenic testing means for families making these decisions today.
This is not medical advice. This is the conversation that helps you walk into the medical advice ready.

IVF, PGT, pre-implantation genetic testing, embryo testing, surrogacy, gay dads, intended parents, egg donation, fertility, IVF costs, embryo screening, sex selection, genetic testing IVF, surrogacy journey, LGBTQ family, IVF explained, fertility podcast, gay parents, family building, IVF add-ons

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to PGTs
02:27 Understanding PGT Types
05:37 The Role of PGT in IVF
09:05 Ethical Considerations of Gender Selection
11:42 Exploring PGT-M and PGT-SR
16:01 The Future of PGT: PGTP
22:54 The Emotional Impact of PGT Testing

SPOTIFY DESCRIPTION
You've done the research. You've read the blogs. But there's a specific moment in the IVF journey that almost every gay man gets blindsided by and it's not the one you think.
Dr. Michael Gornaccia of New England Fertility Institute has spent over 30 years helping LGBTQ families build through surrogacy, egg donation, and IVF. In this episode, he walks through the real timeline, the part of the process that costs the most time, what the 2am anxiety is actually about, and why one in-person visit to Connecticut might be the only thing standing between you and your embryos.
If you're building your family from abroad, EU, UK, Asia, this one's for you.

CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction: who is Dr. G?01:03 The first thing your doctor needs to know before anything else03:18 HIV-positive fathers: the Beacon Institute process explained06:25 The male screening visit: what happens and why you cannot skip it09:29 Egg donation: clinic bank vs. private agency, real difference in timing13:01 When both partners want to use their genetics17:21 Second cycles: not uncommon, not the end20:25 The 2am anxiety moment everyone experiences and nobody warns you about22:18 What surprises patients most and why internet stats will gaslight you26:18 LGBTQ families vs. heterosexual couples: the grief nobody talks about30:06 HIV-positive dads: what to know if you are scared to ask31:04 Adoption as a valid path: patient autonomy in practice31:50 Final advice: the one thing to do when you are up at midnight
New England Fertility Institute: https://www.nefertility.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nefertility/Men Having Babies: menhavingbabies.orgBeacon Institute (HIV sperm processing)

"The biggest time factor in this whole journey isn't the medical process. It's finding a surrogate." Dr. Michael Gornaccia, New England Fertility Institute
"A lot of LGBTQ patients tell me: I never thought when I was growing up that I'd be able to have a family. That grief is real, even when everything is going well." Dr. Michael Gornaccia, New England Fertility Institute
"The two-and-a-half week wait while we test the embryos. That's when everyone panics. Every single patient. And it's completely normal." Dr. Michael Gornaccia, New England Fertility Institute
"In IVF, women go through hormones and medication. Men go through paperwork and waiting." Julio, IVF Daddies

Candy Crash spent 25 years believing she was not allowed to want a family. Ten weeks ago, she became a dad.
Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Parenthood Journey
01:16 The Emotional Growth of Becoming a Parent
03:21 Experiences as an Au Pair and Changing Perspectives
05:02 Support Systems in Same-Sex Parenting
09:31 Balancing Organization and Creativity in Parenting
13:38 Trusting Professionals in the Surrogacy Process
16:34 The Role of the Surrogate and Building Relationships
20:34 Navigating the Surrogacy Process
23:19 Patience and Emotional Challenges in Surrogacy
25:44 Public Life and Private Struggles
28:20 Positivity in the Face of Adversity
30:46 Education Through Visibility and Love
32:57 Conclusion and Hope for Future Parents

Candy Crash spent 25 years believing she was not allowed to want a family. Ten weeks ago, she became a dad.
One of Germany's biggest drag queens, a graphic designer, a YouTuber, and now a parent through surrogacy in the US, Candy joins Julio and Richard for one of the most honest conversations this podcast has ever had about what the surrogacy journey actually feels like from the inside.
Not the process. The feeling. The waiting. The grief of finding out one embryo took instead of two. The surrogate who was shy on the first call and offered to carry again before the baby was even born. The moment you realize the most important project of your life depends entirely on trusting people you have never met.
Candy also talks about going public on social media as a queer parent, why she fights hate with education instead of anger, and the messages she gets from strangers who watched her journey and quietly changed their minds.
If you have ever wondered whether a family like this is possible for someone like you, this episode is the answer.
Guest: Candy Crash, drag queen, content creator, Hollywood Mom podcast host, and new dad.Instagram: @thecandycrashPodcast: Hollywood Mom on Spotify
Keywords: surrogacy, gay dads, queer parenting, LGBTQ family, surrogacy journey, drag queen, intended parents, IVF, trust, visibility, queer family, same sex parents, surrogacy process, gay surrogacy, becoming a dad