Let's Talk About........With Nicky Perfect

The fastest way to ruin a difficult conversation is to believe you can control the other person. We talk through what actually happens in the mind and body when stress hits, and why grief, loss, change, and fear can flip us from logical thinking into a reactive emotional state in seconds.

Drawing on experience as a hostage and crisis negotiator, we share three practical lessons that show up everywhere: crisis is part of life and often comes with real or perceived loss; loneliness can creep in even when you are not alone, especially in parenting and leadership; and everyone carries a deeper story under the “safe” small talk. Once you see those dynamics, conflict feels less personal and more predictable, which makes it easier to handle with care.

We also unpack a tool you can use immediately for emotional regulation and conflict management: noticing your physical trigger signs, then applying the 90-second rule to create space between stimulus and response. Sometimes the smartest move is a clean pause, a walk away, or a simple “I’m going to put the kettle on” break so you can come back with your best self, not your most defensive self.

If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with someone who is navigating a hard conversation, and leave a review so more people can find these practical crisis communication skills. What physical sign tells you you’re about to react?
Resources & support (UK)
Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141
 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide
 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

One morning can split your life in two. Todd joined me to tell the story he carried for years: finding his girlfriend Karen after she died by suicide on New Year’s Day, and the shock that followed him into everything that came next. What he shares is confronting at times, but it’s also deeply human and, for many listeners, reassuring in the most unexpected way: the feelings you’re struggling to name often have a reason. 

We talk about how grief and trauma can push you toward avoidance that looks like “coping” from the outside. Todd walks us through the months after the loss, the drinking that crept earlier into the day, and the high-risk choices that made him feel less, even as they made his world more dangerous. When he moved into undercover police work, the new identity offered escape and adrenaline, but it also delayed the pain and reinforced a fight-first mindset that’s hard to switch off. If you’ve ever wondered why some people seem fine for years and then suddenly unravel, this conversation lays out that slow build with brutal clarity. 

Then we turn toward recovery and first responder mental health in practical terms: leaving shift work, getting sleep and nutrition back to basics, and learning through a sleep specialist that a brain can stay in fight-or-flight all night even with “good” hours in bed. We also dig into why telling the truth and writing his book helped Todd and why it created a safe space for others to finally speak. If any part of this resonates, share it with someone who needs it, subscribe for more conversations like this, and leave a review so more people can find the support they’ve been missing.
Resources & support (UK)
Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141
 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide
 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

The most painful part of grief can be what happens after the condolences stop. When everyone returns to their routines, the person who lost someone is left with the quiet, the calendar, and the dates that suddenly feel impossible. 

I’m joined by Kelly Edmondson, a trauma ICU nurse from Ohio who spent decades caring for people in crisis, until she became the one who needed care. After her son Darius, who lived with epilepsy, died unexpectedly in his sleep, Kelly saw how loud the silence can be in the weeks and months after the funeral. She explains why people avoid grief conversations, why “I don’t want to remind them” is a myth, and how a simple message can carry real weight: “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.” 

We also dig into practical grief support that actually helps, especially around anniversaries of death, birthdays, Mother’s Day and the holidays. Kelly shares how Timely Presence delivers personalized memorial gifts on the days research shows are most difficult, and why light-filled items like sun catchers and candles can help someone feel seen without trying to fix the unfixable. For anyone navigating bereavement, we talk about the physiological impact of loss and concrete steps like sleep, small high-protein meals, fresh air, sunlight and new rituals that gently reframe triggering dates. 

If you know someone who’s grieving, or you’re trying to find your way forward after loss, listen, share it with a friend, and subscribe so you don’t miss the next conversation. If it resonates, please leave a review and tell us what supportive phrase you wish you’d heard most.
Resources & support (UK)
Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141
 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide
 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

Grief can make you feel like the world should stop, yet everything keeps moving and you’re left trying to keep up. I’m on my own for this one, speaking as a former hostage and crisis negotiator who’s heard hundreds of stories from people in crisis and as a human being who has also had to carry loss. I share three hard lessons that shaped my work and my life: we will all face crisis at some stage, many crises centre on loss, and loneliness can quietly become one of the biggest threats to our wellbeing.

I talk through my own experiences of bereavement, including losing my friend Jane to cancer and the shock of grieving someone who should have had decades ahead of her. Then I open up about losing my dad in November 2022 and the unexpected part that followed: searching for his “essence” in places I thought I’d feel him, and the relief when I finally did. Alongside the emotion, I touch on the practical realities of death, from probate to navigating online systems while you’re still in shock.

To make sense of how grief can swing and surprise you, I walk through the Kubler-Ross grief cycle and why it helped me name what was happening, even when it didn’t show up in a neat order. We also get practical about communication skills for grief and bereavement: how to open up the conversation, why saying their name matters, and why listening without fixing is often the kindest support you can offer.

If this resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who might need it, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations. What’s one thing you wish others understood about your grief?
Resources & support (UK)
Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141
 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide
 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

Every suicide callout Claire attended as a police officer was male and that pattern haunted her long after the blue lights switched off. Claire Dunn joined Essex Police at 20, spent 18 years responding to crisis, and was medically retired with PTSD in 2016. She retrained, stepped into the NHS, and quickly hit a new shock: in school-based mental health services, boys were barely being referred, even though boys and girls struggle at similar rates. If boys aren’t coming through the door, what happens before they reach crisis point? 

We dig into the turning points that pushed Claire from awareness into action, including two suicides close to home in 2023 and the wider reality that suicide is a leading cause of death for men under 50. Claire shares what she learned from co-producing solutions with boys aged 12 to 15, what they said about stigma, masculinity, peer pressure, and the fear of being seen, plus why privacy in schools matters more than most adults realise. We also talk about how distress can show up as anger and “challenging behaviour”, and why educators and services need to read those signals differently if we want earlier support and better outcomes. 

You’ll hear the practical side too: mental health literacy, simple language, discreet self-referral routes like QR codes, and clearer pathways so boys can access early intervention before they escalate into self-harm or suicidal ideation and miss preventive thresholds. Claire also explains her current doctorate work using participatory action research to develop gender-informed interventions for adolescent boys across UK schools. 

If you care about boys’ mental health, suicide prevention, school wellbeing, or how to have difficult conversations before it’s too late, hit subscribe, share this with a teacher or parent, and leave a review with the one change you want schools to make.
Resources & support (UK)
Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141
 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide
 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.