Down The Well

Season 4 Episode 1 | The Devouring Mother: Why Our Children Need Us to Become Less Necessary

What happens when a mother's love becomes tangled with her need to be needed?

In this episode of Down The Well, Elle explores The Devouring Mother, the shadow side of the caregiver archetype that emerges when protection becomes control, sacrifice becomes martyrdom, and devotion makes it difficult to let our children grow.

Through psychology, mythology, and honest reflections on her own motherhood, Elle challenges the modern ideal of the "good mother" and asks whether our efforts to prevent every struggle are actually holding our children—and ourselves—back.

From the three faces of the Devouring Mother to the wisdom of the Matriarch, this conversation is an invitation to love without possession, guide without controlling, and find the courage to become less necessary.

Because the goal isn't to love our children less. It's to love them well enough to let them become themselves.

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Support families in Guatemala by purchasing a 'World Peace Begins at Home' tee https://www.the-humble-village.org/shop

Elle's Links:

https://substack.com/@ellerowley

https://www.instagram.com/ellerowley

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Show Notes:

Young adults living with parents (the 18% stat) Pew Research Center, “The shares of young adults living with parents vary widely across the U.S.,” April 17, 2025. ⁠https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2025/04/17/the-shares-of-young-adults-living-with-parents-vary-widely-across-the-us/⁠

Adults without children (the 47% stat) Pew Research Center, “The Experiences of U.S. Adults Who Don’t Have Children,” July 25, 2024. ⁠https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/07/25/the-experiences-of-u-s-adults-who-dont-have-children/⁠

Only if you kept the 52% / Great Depression line Pew Research Center, “A majority of young adults in the U.S. live with their parents for the first time since the Great Depression,” September 4, 2020. ⁠https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/09/04/a-majority-of-young-adults-in-the-u-s-live-with-their-parents-for-the-first-time-since-the-great-depression/⁠

Intensive mothering Hays, Sharon. The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood. New Haven: Yale University Press, 1996.

The good-enough mother Winnicott, D. W. “Transitional Objects and Transitional Phenomena.” International Journal of Psycho-Analysis 34 (1953): 89–97. Reprinted in Playing and Reality. London: Tavistock, 1971.

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Timestamps:

00:00 Introducing the Devouring Mother

04:18 The Archetype's Dark Side

06:57 When Love Becomes Dependence

10:31 Three Faces of Control

15:47 The Good Mother Trap

23:29 Motherhood's Impossible Expectations

28:22 Learning to Let Go

32:36 From Devouring Mother to Matriarch

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About Down The Well:

Motherhood should be full of joy and meaning. But it often isn't. Why is that? On Down the Well, Elle Rowley talks through the mother's hero's journey, and why it's different from the one you might have learned in school or books.

Unlike the traditional hero's journey, mothers have to descend into the depths of their own soul. No one comes out of motherhood the same, and with the right perspective and resources, we can make sure that transformation is for the better.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Want to work with Elle? (Life Coaching) 🔗 ellerowley.com

Season 3 Episode 9 | The 3 Stages of Caregiving in Motherhood

In this episode, Elle explores the caregiver archetype and the three levels of development that shape how we love, give, and grow in motherhood.

From overgiving and burnout to boundaries, empowerment, and generative care, this conversation offers a new lens on what it means to care for others without losing yourself.

Support families in Guatemala by purchasing a 'World Peace Begins at Home' tee https://www.the-humble-village.org/shop

🔗 Elle's Links:
https://substack.com/@ellerowley
https://www.instagram.com/ellerowley

~

About Down The Well:

Motherhood should be full of joy and meaning. But it often isn't. Why is that? On Down the Well, Elle Rowley talks through the mother's hero's journey, and why it's different from the one you might have learned in school or books.

Unlike the traditional hero's journey, mothers have to descend into the depths of their own soul. No one comes out of motherhood the same, and with the right perspective and resources, we can make sure that transformation is for the better.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Want to work with Elle? (Life Coaching) 🔗 https://paperbell.me/elle-rowley#packagestarpk

S3 E8 | The 3 Pillars of an Unshakable Mindset (For the Hard Days of Motherhood)

In this episode, Elle shares the 3 pillars of an indomitable mindset — a framework for building resilience, clarity, and purpose in the middle of real life.

Through the lens of Meaning, Belief, and Action, she explores how the way you interpret your life shapes how you experience it — and how intentional mindset shifts can help you navigate motherhood, challenge, and growth with greater strength and alignment.

From defining your “why,” to choosing beliefs that serve you, to taking action even when motivation is low, this episode is a practical and empowering guide for any woman who wants to feel more grounded, capable, and connected to her life.

Support families in Guatemala by purchasing a 'World Peace Begins at Home' tee https://www.the-humble-village.org/shop

https://substack.com/@ellerowley
https://www.instagram.com/ellerowley

~

About Down The Well:

Motherhood should be full of joy and meaning. But it often isn't. Why is that? On Down the Well, Elle Rowley talks through the mother's hero's journey, and why it's different from the one you might have learned in school or books.

Unlike the traditional hero's journey, mothers have to descend into the depths of their own soul. No one comes out of motherhood the same, and with the right perspective and resources, we can make sure that transformation is for the better.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Want to work with Elle? (Life Coaching) 🔗 https://paperbell.me/elle-rowley#packagestarpk

S3 E7 | Maiden → Mother → Matriarch: The Map No One Gave Us

In this episode, Elle explores a framework that brings clarity to the often confusing experience of becoming a woman: maiden, mother, matriarch.

Drawing from psychology, myth, and scripture, she reframes the disorientation many women feel — especially in motherhood — not as failure, but as initiation into a deeper identity.

From the maiden’s search for meaning, to the mother’s transformation through sacrifice, to the matriarch’s emergence as a source of wisdom and authority, this conversation offers language for a path many women are already walking… but don’t yet have words for.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Want to work with Elle? (Life Coaching) 🔗 https://paperbell.me/elle-rowley#packagestarpk

Season 3 Episode 6 | Letters from Down the Well: Finding Yourself After Motherhood (Postpartum, Identity & Overwhelm)

In this episode, Elle introduces Letters from Down the Well — a new series where real questions from women and mothers open the door to honest, transformative conversations.

From postpartum identity and overwhelm to marriage, mom guilt, and breaking generational cycles, Elle offers a grounded reminder:

You’re not failing — you’re becoming.

If you’ve felt lost, stretched, or unsure of who you are in this season of motherhood, this episode will meet you there with clarity, perspective, and encouragement.

~

We would LOVE your thoughts on this episode. Do you want more podcast episodes in this layout? You ask, I answer.

Support families in Guatemala by purchasing a 'World Peace Begins at Home' tee https://www.the-humble-village.org/shop

https://substack.com/@ellerowley
https://www.instagram.com/ellerowley

00:00 - Welcoming Listeners

02:01 - Identity Struggles Postpartum

03:41 - Advice: Humility and Curiosity

05:49 - Starting Solibaby After Birth

07:34 - Open-Heartedness After Loss

10:13 - Mothering Without Your Mother

13:36 - Adjusting Homeschooling Expectations

16:44 - Connection During Toddler Phase

21:00 - Weekly Date Night Advice

27:02 - Meltdowns: Mothering Yourself

~

About Down The Well:

Motherhood should be full of joy and meaning. But it often isn't. Why is that? On Down the Well, Elle Rowley talks through the mother's hero's journey, and why it's different from the one you might have learned in school or books.

Unlike the traditional hero's journey, mothers have to descend into the depths of their own soul. No one comes out of motherhood the same, and with the right perspective and resources, we can make sure that transformation is for the better.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices