Conversations with Kristi

In this episode of Conversations with Kristi, Kristi sits down with psychotherapist and family constellations facilitator Melanie Enders to tackle one of the most common yet undersupported family structures: the blended family. Drawing from both her professional expertise and her own lived experience navigating a large, complex blended system, Mel sheds light on the emotional weight children carry when their "family frame" changes.

Together, they dive into why parents in survival mode often struggle to see what their kids truly need and the long-term internal damage caused by bad-mouthing a co-parent. Mel shares beautifully simple, three-dimensional tools to help children visualize their sense of belonging and provides a roadmap for parents to move from reactive survival into a grounded, aligned way of parenting.

Content Covered in This Episode

The Lived Experience Advantage: Why Mel became a therapist specifically for blended families after finding a lack of resources for her own.

Behavior as Language: A deep dive into how children use behavior-sometimes erratic or erratic-to communicate when they don’t feel safe or heard.

The Survival Mode Trap: How the existential stress of separation contracts a parent's nervous system, leaving little room for emotional nurturing.

The "Wait for the Fall" Phase: Why children often seem "fine" initially, only to fall apart 12 months later once they sense their parents are finally out of crisis.

The Dangers of Bad-Mouthing: Understanding that a child is 50% each parent; criticizing an ex-partner is effectively criticizing 50% of the child’s identity.

Healing Language Architecture: How to shift from "verbally vomiting" adult problems to using language that strengthens a child’s soul.

The Belonging Reorder: How family trees and "Spiral Charts" help children orient themselves when new partners and step-siblings enter their world.

Aligning with Self: The importance of parents finding their own internal alignment to avoid making fear-based decisions for the family.

Why This Conversation Matters

Blended families are now the norm, yet many parents still feel like they are failing because there is no universal blueprint. When families separate, the focus often stays on the logistics of survival, while the emotional experience of the child gets lost in the shuffle.

This episode challenges parents to separate "couple business" from "parenting business". It encourages a shift from judgment to awareness, reminding us that while we cannot control every change in our family structure, we have full control over the frame of safety and belonging we create for our children.

About Melanie Enders

Melanie Enders is a psychotherapist, family constellation facilitator, and trainer who runs a school for therapists specializing in family systems. With deep roots in trauma therapy and a personal background in navigating her own blended family, Mel provides a unique bridge between textbook data and the messy reality of modern parenting. She is the creator of the Blended Family Summit and an advocate for non-punitive, connection-based parenting.

Learn More About Melanie Enders

🌐 Website: melanieenders.com

🎙️ Resource: The Blended Family Summit - A collection of expert insights on grief, the nervous system, and family dynamics.

Kristi’s Resources for Parents & Carers

If you are navigating a family transition, Kristi offers trauma-informed tools to keep your children safe and empowered.

🔗 Explore resources: www.kristimcvee.com

💡 Tool Highlight: Kristi’s Body Safety Card Deck is a perfect way to maintain open communication during times of change.

Support Services (Australia)

Lifeline: 13 11 14 | lifeline.org.au
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 | beyondblue.org.au
Kids Helpline (ages 5–25): 1800 55 1800 | kidshelpline.com.au

If you are in immediate danger, please contact emergency services.

In this episode of Conversations with Kristi, Kristi sits down with Deb McPhedran, a mother, grandmother, and survivor turned advocate. Deb shares the deeply personal and moving story of how her family’s life was upended five years ago when her adult children disclosed that they had been sexually abused throughout their childhoods.

Deb also reveals her own realization that she was groomed and abused by a high school teacher starting at age 15-a reality she didn't fully grasp until her own daughter reached that same age. Instead of remaining silent, Deb and her family turned their devastation into action, co-authoring the stunning Australian children’s book Secret or Surprise to give other families the language and tools to protect their children.

This conversation is a powerful exploration of how perpetrators operate within families and relationships, the nuances of coercive control, and why it is vital to empower children with body safety knowledge from an early age.



Content Covered in This Episode

The Power of Disclosure: Deb recounts the moment her daughter and son disclosed their childhood abuse and how the family has navigated the years since.

The Predator’s Playbook: Identifying the warning signs Deb missed at the time, including pornography addiction and gaslighting within her own relationship.

A Survivor’s Realization: Deb shares her own experience of being groomed by a teacher at 15 and why it took decades to recognize it as abuse.

Why Kids Don’t Tell: The role of fear, severe threats, and the confusion of "fun times" mixed with abuse that keeps children silent.

"Secret or Surprise": How the family co-authored a book using Australian animals to teach children about safe touching, safe people, and the difference between good and bad secrets.

Navigating Parent Guilt: A raw look at the guilt parents feel when they discover abuse has happened under their roof and how to move toward healing.

The "Mama Bear" Mission: Deb’s work in providing empathy and support to other mothers who find themselves in this devastating position.

Empowering the Next Generation: Why ramping up body safety education is the most effective tool we have for prevention.

Why This Conversation Matters

For many parents, the idea of child sexual abuse happening within their own home is unimaginable. Deb’s story highlights that perpetrators are often the "good guys" who have groomed everyone around them, not just the children.

This episode serves as an urgent reminder that we must move past the myth of "stranger danger" and start having real, honest conversations with our kids about body autonomy and safe people. As Deb notes, teaching a child that they have a voice isn't about giving them an adult responsibility; it's about giving them the power to speak up when something doesn't feel right.

About Deb McPhedran

Deb McPhedran is a parent, grandmother, and dedicated advocate for child safety. After her family's personal experience with abuse, she co-authored Secret or Surprise, a resource designed to help Australian families navigate body safety conversations with ease and sensitivity. Through her advocacy, she provides a voice for survivors and support for parents navigating the aftermath of disclosure.

Learn More About Secret or Surprise

🌐 Website: secretorsurprise.com.au

📱 Social Media: Facebook and Instagram: @secretorsurprise

📖 The Book: Secret or Surprise is designed for children aged 4 to 10 to help recognize unsafe behaviors and identify safe adults.

Kristi’s Resources for Parents & Carers

If this episode resonated with you, Kristi offers trauma-informed education and practical tools to support your family's safety journey.

🔗 Explore resources: www.kristimcvee.com

Tool Highlight: Kristi’s Body Safety Card Deck is a perfect companion to Deb’s book for starting these chats at home.

Support Services (Australia)

Lifeline: 13 11 14 | lifeline.org.au
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 | beyondblue.org.au
Kids Helpline (ages 5–25): 1800 55 1800 | kidshelpline.com.au

If you are in immediate danger, please contact emergency services.

In this episode of Conversations with Kristi, Kristi sits down with Andrew Carpenter, a South Australian solicitor who has spent over a decade fighting for victim-survivors of child sexual abuse. Andrew didn’t enter this field through personal experience, but rather by picking up the files at his law firm that no one else wanted to touch.

Together, they explore the staggering legal loopholes that allow offenders to hide assets in superannuation and avoid true accountability. Andrew shares the frustrating reality of a six-year campaign for legislative reform and discusses why the civil justice system is often the only form of deterrent left when criminal conviction rates remain so low. This is a necessary, albeit uncomfortable, conversation about the urgent need for persistent public pressure to force governments to prioritize child safety over institutional reputation.

Content Covered in This Episode

The Files No One Wanted: How Andrew’s journey began with the cases other lawyers were too uncomfortable to handle.

The Superannuation Loophole: Why offenders were able to dump millions into super to avoid paying settlements to survivors-and the 6-year battle to change it.

A "Moral Fault" vs. a Crime: The shocking 2014 revelation from a church official that child abuse was once viewed as a moral failing rather than illegal conduct.

The Volunteer Loophole: How a 2024 High Court decision currently protects institutions from liability for the acts of volunteers unless states change their laws.

Deterrence Through the Pocketbook: Why financial penalties and the loss of assets may be a more effective deterrent than the current criminal justice system.

Online Exploitation & AI: Australia’s rise as the second-largest consumer of live-streamed abuse material and the growing threat of AI-generated content.

The Myth of "Stranger Danger": Confronting the reality that the family home, not a dark alleyway, remains the most dangerous place for a child.

Signs to Watch For: Identifying secretive device behavior and how to listen when a child suddenly refuses to visit a "favorite" adult.

Why This Conversation Matters

Most Australians believe our laws are "tough enough," but as Andrew highlights, many significant legislative protections have only been enacted in the last few years-or haven't been enacted at all. We are failing as a country if our most vulnerable citizens are not protected by the very systems meant to serve them.

This episode is a call to action to move past the "it’s not my family" mindset. Statistically, in a classroom of 30 children, eight will be affected by sexual abuse by their 18th birthday. Andrew reminds us that uncomfortable conversations are the only way to break the stigma and drive the public pressure needed for legislative change.

About Andrew Carpenter

Andrew Carpenter is a dedicated solicitor based in South Australia, specializing in civil litigation for survivors of institutional and personal child sexual abuse. He is a relentless advocate for legal reform, most notably leading the campaign to open superannuation funds to satisfy civil judgments against offenders. Andrew uses his platform to highlight legislative gaps and empower the public to hold their representatives accountable for child safety.

Learn More About Andrew Carpenter

📱 Instagram: @andrewcarpentersolicitor
📱 Facebook: Andrew Carpenter Solicitor

Practical Support & Resources

If this episode resonated with you, Kristi offers trauma-informed education and practical tools to help you navigate these difficult conversations with your children.

🔗 Explore resources: www.kristimcvee.com

Support Services (Australia)

Lifeline: 13 11 14 | lifeline.org.au
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 | beyondblue.org.au
Kids Helpline (ages 5–25): 1800 55 1800 | kidshelpline.com.au

If you are in immediate danger, please contact emergency services.

In this episode of Conversations with Kristi, Kristi sits down with author, educator, and speaker Lael Stone to explore a powerful and often overlooked truth: the way we parent our children has everything to do with how we were parented ourselves.

Lael shares her incredible journey-from starting a children’s entertainment company at age 20 to becoming a doula, a sex educator, and eventually co-founding the Woodline School. Together, Kristi and Lael unpack why parenting in the age of social media takes so much courage and how our own unresolved childhood "stuff" often bubbles to the surface the moment our kids hit certain milestones .

This conversation is warm, honest, and deeply practical. It challenges the traditional "compliant child" paradigm and offers a new way of thinking about connection, emotional intelligence, and the healing power of repair-reminding every parent that it is genuinely never too late to start over.

Content Covered in This Episode

The Evolution of Connection: Why Lael’s career shifted from entertainment to birth trauma, sex education, and founding a school.

The Courage to Parent: Navigating the "battlefield" of modern opinions and coming back to your own inner intuition.

Unresolved Childhood Imprints: How our own history determines which of our children's "big feelings" we can actually tolerate.

The "Poo Head" Test: Understanding why we feel "activated" when children challenge us and how to respond with calm instead of power.

Raising Humans, Not Robots: Why the goal of parenting is deep connection and self-accountability rather than just raising "good," compliant children.

Non-Punitive Discipline: Inside the Woodline School philosophy of removing shame, punishments, and rewards from the learning environment.

The Power of Repair: Why an apology to your child-even when they are 18-is the most profound way to stop a traumatic lineage.

Every Day is a New Day: Small, practical steps for reconnecting through play and listening without an agenda.

Why This Conversation Matters

Many parents today feel the weight of "failing" or passing on their own traumas to the next generation . But as Lael explains, our children are often our best teachers, pushing the exact buttons we need to look at so we can finally heal.

When we have the bravery to acknowledge what we didn't get as children, we open a doorway to change the story for our own kids. This episode encourages parents to shift from:
"How do I shut this behavior down?
to:
"What is my child's behavior telling me about their unmet needs?"

Because when a child feels seen, heard, and allowed to express their full self, they don't just behave—they grow into resilient, empathetic adults.

About Lael Stone

Lael Stone is an author, educator, and speaker whose work centers on connection and understanding the "why" behind human behavior. She is the co-founder of Woodline School, an innovative primary school that prioritizes emotional intelligence and non-punitive discipline.

Through her clinical work and workshops, Lael helps adults understand their own imprints so they can show up as the best versions of themselves for their families. She is the author of Own Your Story and the host of the Humans Being podcast.

Learn More About Lael Stone
🌐 Website: laelstone.com.au
📱 Social Media: Instagram: @laelstone
🎙️ Podcast: Humans Being
📖 Books: laelstone.com.au/books

Kristi’s Resources for Parents & Carers

If this episode resonated with you, Kristi offers trauma-informed education and practical tools to support children and families.

🔗 Explore resources: www.kristimcvee.com

Support Services (Australia)

Lifeline: 13 11 14 | lifeline.org.au
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 | beyondblue.org.au
Kids Helpline (ages 5–25): 1800 55 1800 | kidshelpline.com.au

If you are in immediate danger, please contact emergency services.

In this episode of Conversations with Kristi, Kristi sits down with clinical psychologist Dr. Louise Mansell to explore a powerful question:

Why are we waiting so long to teach children how to understand and manage their emotions?

Dr. Louise shares how her early experiences supporting her own mother through anxiety shaped her career, and how years of working with children-particularly those experiencing trauma-revealed a major gap in how we support emotional development.

Rather than accepting that gap, she created a solution.

Introducing Tedology - an innovative, therapeutic teddy bear designed to help children understand, regulate, and process their emotions in a safe and accessible way.

Together, Kristi and Dr. Louise unpack why children aren’t meant to “get rid” of emotions like worry, how emotional suppression impacts long-term wellbeing, and why early emotional education has the potential to change entire generations.

This conversation is warm, honest, and deeply practical. It challenges common parenting approaches and offers a new way of thinking about how children can be supported-long before issues become overwhelming.

Content Covered in This Episode

Why emotional education needs to start earlier

The difference between regulating emotions vs. avoiding them

Why children can’t (and shouldn’t) “get rid” of worry

How unprocessed emotions impact mental and physical health

The role of play in helping children understand feelings

Why many children struggle to talk about their experiences

The impact of trauma, silence, and emotional suppression

How sensory tools support emotional regulation

Why children need safe spaces before they can use their voice

How Tedology supports children between therapy sessions

Why This Conversation Matters

Many children today are struggling with anxiety, overwhelm, and emotional dysregulation.

But as Dr. Louise explains, the issue isn’t that children are “too sensitive” or “not coping”-it’s that they haven’t been given the tools to understand what they’re feeling or what to do with it.

When emotions are ignored, dismissed, or misunderstood, they don’t disappear.

They grow.

This episode encourages parents and carers to shift from:

“How do I stop this feeling?”

to:

“How can I help my child understand and work through this feeling?”

Because when children learn how to process emotions early, they don’t just cope-they thrive.

About Dr. Louise Mansell

Dr. Louise Mansell is a clinical psychologist who trained and worked in the UK before moving to Australia.

Her work has focused on childhood trauma, emotional development, and early intervention-particularly supporting children who struggle to express or process their experiences.

Through her clinical work, Dr. Louise identified a major gap in accessible emotional support for children and created Tedology to bridge that gap.

Tedology combines psychology, sensory regulation, and play-based learning to help children build emotional awareness and resilience from a young age.

About Tedology

Tedology is more than a teddy bear.

It’s a therapeutic support tool designed to help children:

Understand and name their emotions

Regulate overwhelming feelings

Practice expressing thoughts safely

Build emotional confidence over time

Each Ted includes:

Guided emotional support features

Sensory elements for calming and regulation

Emotion cards and play-based learning tools

A companion guide for parents and carers

Tedology is not a replacement for therapy-but it can be a powerful bridge, helping children feel safe, supported, and understood in their everyday environment.

Learn More About Tedology

🌐 Website
https://tedology.com.au

📱 Social Media
Instagram / Facebook: @tedology

💡 Access Support
Tedology may be accessible through NDIS or available grants depending on eligibility.

Practical Support & Resources

If this episode resonated with you, Kristi offers trauma-informed education and practical tools to support children and families.

🔗 Explore resources:
👉 www.kristimcvee.com

Resources include:

Conversation tools for parents and carers

Guidance on emotional safety and regulation

Support for children navigating anxiety and overwhelm

Trauma-informed parenting strategies

Support Services (Australia)

If you or someone you love needs support:

Lifeline – 13 11 14 | lifeline.org.au
MensLine Australia – 1300 78 99 78 | mensline.org.au
1800RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | 1800respect.org.au
Kids Helpline (ages 5–25) – 1800 55 1800 | kidshelpline.com.au

If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services.