Shocking Surprises Living with a Dismissive Avoidant
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Moving in with a dismissive avoidant partner can be both exciting and surprisingly challenging. In this powerful episode, Thais Gibson and co-host Mike reveal the five biggest (and most unexpected) things that happen when you start sharing a home with someone who struggles with emotional closeness.
From the retreat for space that often follows big steps forward, to fears of losing autonomy or conflict avoidance, this conversation dives deep into how dismissive avoidants process intimacy—and how you can build understanding, connection, and balance instead of frustration.
Through personal stories and professional insight, Thais and Mike share practical strategies for communication, conflict resolution, and emotional safety—so you can navigate cohabitation with compassion and clarity.
You’ll Learn:
The #1 reason dismissive avoidants retreat into their own space after moving in
How to discuss space, boundaries, and routines before issues arise
Why dismissive avoidants equate comfort with love (and how that affects dating effort)
How to avoid the “roommate trap” and keep the spark alive
The importance of acceptance and autonomy for both partners
Why DAs often struggle with conflict, change, and vulnerability
How to communicate needs without triggering shame or withdrawal
Episode Breakdown:
00:00 – Intro & Why Moving In Can Trigger the Power Struggle Stage
03:16 – 1 — DAs Retreat to Their Own Space to Create Emotional Distance
07:16 – How to Navigate Space & Routine Discussions
09:16 – The Role of Acceptance & Allowing Autonomy
13:30 – 2 — How Cleanliness, Habits, & Personality Types Impact Living Together
17:10 – Creating Shared Routines and Avoiding Misunderstandings
21:31 – PDS 7-Day Free Trial & Membership Overview
22:36 – 3 — DAs Equate Comfort With Love (and Why It Leads to Complacency)
25:41 – Why You Should Always “Date” Your Partner
31:11 – 4 — Why DAs Feel Trapped or Pull Back Emotionally
35:28 – Communication Scripts for “Recharge Time” & Emotional Safety
43:29 – 5 — When Conflict Arises: How to Handle It Without Triggering Shutdown
47:18 – The Long-Term Benefits of Secure Co-Living
51:10 – Bonus: Acts of Service, Self-Consideration & Learning True Partnership
56:14 – Rumi’s Quote on Growth & Healing in Relationships
59:09 – Final Reflections and Listener Tips
Key Takeaway:
When you understand a dismissive avoidant’s wiring—fears of loss, shame, and autonomy—you can transform potential friction into deeper connection. Secure relationships aren’t about avoiding conflict—they’re about communicating through it.
🎙️ Meet Your Host
Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and creator of the Integrated Attachment Theory™. With a Ph.D. and over a decade of experience helping 70,000+ students, she specializes in attachment healing, subconscious reprogramming, and secure relationship building.
📚 Helpful Links:
🧠 Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz
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🎧 Listen to More Episodes
https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/podcast?page=1
📘 Read Learning Love by Thais Gibson
https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love
📝 Read the PDS Blog
https://blog.personaldevelopmentschool.com/
📱 Connect with Us:
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Moving in together doesn’t have to mean emotional distance. Learn how to communicate, compromise, and stay connected—no matter your attachment style. 💗
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