Passion Struck with John R. Miles

What if the key to true happiness isn’t more achievements, more connections, or even more love poured your way, but actually feeling loved in the moments that matter?
In this powerful episode of the Passion Struck podcast, world-renowned happiness expert Sonja Lyubomirsky and the preminent relationship researcher Harry Reis join John R. Miles to discuss their groundbreaking new book, How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most (Harper, February 10, 2026).
Their radical insight: Feeling loved isn’t about becoming more lovable or chasing extrinsic rewards. It’s about showing your full, vulnerable self and inviting others to do the same—through intentional shifts in how we converse and connect.
They introduce the Relationship Sea-Saw, a dynamic of reciprocity where one person lifts the other through curiosity and warmth, sparking a virtuous cycle of being truly known and valued. Through stories, science (from attachment theory to the costs of secrets), and even insights from their meeting with the Dalai Lama, they unpack why “going first” changes everything and how five practical mindsets can transform relationships of all kinds.
If you’ve ever wondered why love sometimes feels like it’s missing even when it’s present or how to make it land more deeply, this episode offers a science-backed, hopeful roadmap.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, and Interview Valet ranked it as one of the top 20 podcasts for business and mindset.
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/how-to-feel-loved-sonja-lyubomirsky-harry-reis/
Download a Free Companion Reflection Guide:
Connect with John Keynote speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Pre-Order the Children’s Book You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/
Learn More About Sonja Lyubomirsky: https://sonjalyubomirsky.com
Learn More About Harry Reis: https://www.sas.rochester.edu/psy/people/faculty/reis_harry/
How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most is available wherever books are sold.
In This Episode, You Will Learn
Why being loved doesn’t always translate to feeling loved—and the painful "mattering gap" it creates
The 5 powerful mindsets: Sharing (vulnerability), Listening-to-Learn, Radical Curiosity, Open-Heart, and Multiplicity
The science of responsiveness: How genuine curiosity and presence make others feel seen—and lift you in return
Attributional ambiguity: Why extrinsic pursuits (money, status, beauty) often fail to deliver the warm glow of true love
Lessons from the Dalai Lama: Love as a decision—treating others as "each other’s mothers" and sending loving-kindness even to those you dislike
How feeling loved becomes a safe haven, fueling exploration, creativity, and a more psychologically rich life
Practical first steps: One 15-minute conversation to start remaking how love lands in your relationships
Support the Movement. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you could go back to the exact moment your "Performance Folder" was created—the instant you decided you had to be perfect, useful, or invisible to be seen—what would you say to that younger you?
In this pivotal solo episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles introduces The Luma Effect: the lifelong cascade that begins when a child internalizes the truth of their intrinsic worth before the world hands them a conditional script. Building on his powerhouse conversations with Rebecca Goldstein on the mattering instinct and Daniel Coyle on the art of flourishing, John explores how we can decommission the "outdated reports" in our heads to reclaim our significance.
As we count down to the February 24th launch of his children’s book, You Matter, Luma, John explains why the window between ages four and eight is "wet cement" for a child’s soul. He reveals how the Luma Effect serves as preventive medicine against the Arrival Fallacy and the Optimization Trap, offering a practical roadmap for parents, leaders, and high achievers to move from "treasure hunting" for worth to "treasure creation" from within.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering.
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/luma-effect-performance-script-intrinsic-worth/
All links gathered here: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Companion Reflection & Integration Resources
Inside The Ignited Life, each episode in the You Matter series is paired with guided reflection prompts and grounding practices. This week, we explore how to "re-parent" your inner child by applying the Luma Effect to your own daily self-talk.
Explore the community: https://TheIgnitedLife.net
Connect with the Ecosystem
Pre-order You Matter, Luma (releasing February 24): https://youmatterluma.com/
Start your ripple journey
Support the Movement: https://StartMattering.com
Watch on YouTube: Search for Passion Struck with John R. Miles
In This Episode, You Will Learn
The Luma Effect Defined: The mechanics of the "truth ripple" and how it serves as the positive inverse to the speech impediment of the soul.
Treasure Creation vs. Hunting: How to apply Daniel Coyle’s and Barry Schwartz’s philosophy to move away from a performance-based identity.
The Wet Cement Window: Why ages 4–8 are critical for solidifying self-concept and how early affirmations strengthen executive function and resilience.
The Bending Tree Lesson: Using affective neuroscience to build a spirit that bends with life’s storms instead of breaking under the weight of comparison.
The Arrival Fallacy & Burnout: Why "one more win" never fills the hole in the soul and how intrinsic mattering acts as a permanent buffer.
The Wordless Tie in Action: How the simple ritual of reading You Matter, Luma creates a dual-healing moment for both the child and the adult.
The Pass the Ripple Challenge: Practical steps to move from internal worth to external kindness through a global initiative.
Thank you to our sponsors
Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason—it can save you up to $190 versus buying items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/PASSIONSTRUCK, you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.
Check out Kalshi and use my code SB60 for a great deal: https://kalshi.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the host and guests and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if the secret to a meaningful life isn’t "high performance" but a state of being unusually alive?
In this essential installment of the Passion Struck podcast, New York Times bestselling author Daniel Coyle joins John R. Miles to discuss his transformative new book, Flourish: The Art of Building Meaning, Joy, and Fulfillment (Feb 2026).
The author of The Culture Code and The Talent Code, Coyle has spent decades decoding the secrets of the world’s most effective groups. In Flourish, he pivots from how we perform to how we feel, exploring why some environments—from a bustling Cleveland deli to the high-stakes world of Navy SEALs—vibrate with a "shared electricity" that others lack.
Coyle argues that flourishing is not a treasure hunt we go on, but a treasure we create through intentional design. He unpacks the "science of presence," the shift from command-and-control to gardener leadership, and why mattering is the ultimate precondition for group flow. Through stories of miners trapped in Chile and strangers gathered at a long table in Paris, Coyle reveals how we can stop behaving like "attendees" in our own lives and start becoming participants in our own aliveness.
This conversation explores the fundamental human need for significance in a world obsessed with metrics. How do we move beyond just "doing fine" to feeling truly, vibrantly relevant?
If you are a leader, a parent, or anyone seeking to move from endurance to aliveness, this episode provides a powerful framework for cultivating conditions in which human significance is reinforced and flourishing becomes inevitable.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, recognizing the show’s commitment to thoughtful, human-centered conversations like this one.
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/how-to-flourish-daniel-coyle/
Download a Free Companion Reflection Guide: https://www.theignitedlife.net/p/how-to-flourish-gardener-leader-daniel-coyle
Connect with John Keynote speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Pre-Order the Children’s Book You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/
Learn More About Daniel Coyle: https://danielcoyle.com
Flourish: The Art of Building Meaning, Joy, and Fulfillment is available wherever books are sold.
Thank you to our sponsors
Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason—it can save you up to $190 versus buying items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/PASSIONSTRUCK, you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.
Check out Kalshi and use my code SB60 for a great deal: https://kalshi.com
In This Episode, You Will Learn
Why life is not a "treasure hunt" but a process of "treasure creation"
The distinction between high performance (efficiency) and aliveness (flourishing)
How to transition from a "mechanic" mindset to becoming a gardener leader
The science of presence: How responsive awareness serves as the "first move" of flourishing
Why mattering is a vital precondition for flow and group dynamism
The "view from the valley": How adversity can act as a catalyst for deeper connection and clarity
How to design environments—from dining tables to boardrooms—that prioritize human significance
Why the "man box" and performance-based identity prevent men from experiencing true aliveness
Support the Movement. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if the most human thing about us isn’t happiness, survival, or even love but the relentless need to feel we matter?
In this profound installment of the You Matter series on Passion Struck, MacArthur Fellow and National Humanities Medalist Rebecca Newberger Goldstein joins the show to unpack her groundbreaking book The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us (Liveright, January 13, 2026).
A philosopher and novelist celebrated for Plato at the Googleplex and The Mind-Body Problem, Goldstein argues that this primal instinct is uniquely human. Rooted in self-reflection and our resistance to entropy, it propels our greatest achievements and darkest conflicts. Through vivid stories—from William James overcoming depression to a neo-Nazi skinhead’s redemption, Scott Joplin’s tragic devotion to his opera, and an impoverished Chinese woman rescuing abandoned babies—Goldstein reveals how “mattering projects” shape identity, relationships, culture, and even atrocities.
She distinguishes true mattering (an inward justification of our existence) from mere connectedness (belonging to others), explores four “continents” on the mattering map (Transcenders, Heroic Strivers, Socializers, Competitors), and offers a moral boundary: align with life and flourishing against disorder and entropy.
This conversation probes a crisis at the heart of modern life: In a world of metrics, performance, and isolation, how do we answer the question “Do I really matter?” and live with mercy toward one another’s vulnerable longings?
If you wrestle with purpose, dignity, meaning, leadership, or why humans create beauty and harm, this episode delivers a clarifying, compassionate framework for understanding ourselves and our divided world.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, recognizing the show’s commitment to thoughtful, human-centered conversations like this one.
Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason—it can save you up to $190 versus buying items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/PASSIONSTRUCK, you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.
Check out Kalshi and use my code SB60 for a great deal: https://kalshi.com
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/mattering-instinct-rebecca-newberger-goldstein/
Download a Free Companion Reflection Guide: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dy59XSRcQgovN3N-KNbHILa9GO91Tou-/view?usp=sharing
Connect with John Keynote speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Pre-Order the Children’s Book You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/
Learn More About Rebecca Newberger Goldstein: https://rebeccagoldstein.com
The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us
Available wherever books are sold.
Mattering is an indicator of organizational health: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2019-74409-001
In This Episode, You Will Learn
Why the mattering instinct is the most peculiar and poignant thing about being human
How self-reflection and entropy resistance turn biological survival into an existential question of justification
The crucial distinction between connectedness (mattering to others) and true mattering (deserving our own attention)
How the four continents of the mattering map—Transcenders, Heroic Strivers, Socializers, and Competitors—reveal our diverse responses to the same instinct
Why this longing fuels extraordinary creation (art, altruism, discovery) and profound harm (atrocities, zero-sum competition)
Entropy as a real constraint on meaning: ways of living that sustain order, care, and flourishing vs. those that accelerate disorder
The vulnerability this instinct creates—and why it demands we treat one another with kindness
Support the Movement
Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We are taught from the schoolyard to the boardroom that our value is a variable, something that fluctuates based on our last win, our latest promotion, or our ability to remain relentlessly productive. But what happens when the "doing" stops?
In this deeply personal solo episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles pulls back the curtain on a phenomenon he calls the "speech impediment of the soul." Drawing from a life-altering traumatic brain injury at age five and his subsequent climb through the ranks of the Navy and Fortune 50 leadership, John explores the quiet disorientation that follows when we trade our voices for safety and our existence for achievement.
As we approach the February 24th launch of his new children’s book, You Matter, Luma, John reveals why mattering is the "preventative medicine" the human spirit requires to stop the cycle of over-performance and invisibility. This episode is a call to end the trade and finally reclaim a sense of worth that requires no strings attached.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, recognizing the show’s ongoing commitment to thoughtful, human-centered conversations.
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/healing-childhood-trauma-feeling-invisible-adult/
All links gathered here, including books, Substack, YouTube, and Start Mattering apparel: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
In This Episode, You Will Learn
The Shattered Window: How early life trauma can rewrite your reality and create a "performance trap" that follows you into adulthood.
The Speech Impediment of the Soul: Identifying the hidden whisper that tells high-achievers they only matter if they are producing.
The Maximizer’s Prison: Why modern life’s obsession with optimization and "best" choices actually erodes human dignity.
The Luma Truth: How to shift from mattering through achievement to mattering through existence.
The Wordless Tie: Practical tools for building a profound connection with others that doesn't rely on perfect words or performance.
Mattering Mirrors: Why we must decouple excellence from worth to protect the next generation (and our own inner child).
The Adult Mattering Audit: Four specific questions to help you diagnose and heal your own quiet disorientation.
Preventative Medicine: How the message of You Matter, Luma acts as a shield for children ages 4–8 against the optimization trap.
Companion Reflection & Integration Resources
Inside The Ignited Life, each episode in the You Matter series is paired with guided reflection prompts and grounding practices. These are designed to help you examine where your relationships circulate care—and where they quietly extract it—to help you move from "doing" back to "being."
Explore the community: https://TheIgnitedLife.net
Connect with the Ecosystem
Pre-order You Matter, Luma (releasing February 24): https://youmatterluma.com/
Support the Movement: https://StartMattering.com
Watch on YouTube: Search for Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the host and guests and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.