uncommon ambience

A liminal breakfast adventure, a happy smiling bacon morning. This week is all about the sizzle, morning birds and a dash of drift. Whether you're studying, working, reading, sleeping, or unwinding after a long day, this immersive ambient soundscape provides the perfect background soundtrack. No talking, no interruptions—just jolly breakfast vibes. Ignore the World.
________________
And the bacon doesn’t need to be pork. It could be turkey, tofu—do they make chicken bacon? Whatever, it’s your pan frying for ten hours. Actually, let’s not think about fire hazards. Let’s think of a magic space where cooking times are extended and you are presumably not hoping to eat anytime soon. A place that hovers with promise and good vibes. It’s a happy smiling bacon morning.
And that’s all I got! Oh—you will no doubt remember that over the last month I made the decision to call myself “Mr. Ambience” and changed my creator name to “Mr. Ambience.” Then, a few days later, I checked online to see if anyone else had staked out that name. To think of all the words I typed about longing for “Mr. Ambience” when I could have done a cursory search. Like when you squeeze an avocado and it just feels right. “Mr. Ambience” felt ripe…
I feel like I should punish myself by taking a cold shower or signing up for a local Glass Clinkers public speaking event. I forget that group’s name—actually, if it’s a cult, never mind my bringing it up.
Look, when you squeeze a metaphorical avocado and the metaphorical avocado is like: “Mr. Ambience, is peak.” That’s a phrase, right? I feel like I heard my kid say that about avocados in salads.
So I quickly shifted to something else I know: military school. I was a lieutenant in charge of the laundry room at my military school (because I was unsat and my parents spent a lot of money at that school). Lieutenant Ambience. It’s not a full avocado squeeze or anything… yet it might be something Forest Gump would say before pitching himself off a boat.
Then I asked myself, do I really want to be the private of the officer class? I might not be a “General Ambience,” but I’m sure as **** at least a colonel of ambience. So I spent a day as “Colonel Ambience.”
A buddy messaged me, “the name is silly, for sure. And I doubt anyone would claim an ambience channel was stealing valor.” And so “Kernel Ambience” it is! It gives my creator name a sheen of authority while not being authoritative… Which… is still hinting at possibly stealing valor (with popcorn). I could probably fight it out over Lieutenant Ambience—they gave me a sword! I commanded a laundry room!
What about Doctor? I am not a doctor—closest I came to medicine doer was when I tried to use a chisel without a hammer. Don’t use a chisel with just your weight, and don’t have your other hand in the path your trying to make…
But I could still be Dr. Ambience, right? I mean, don’t tell me you forgot about Dre?

PS: Quick housekeeping—next week we will have our annual “Dying Summer Suburban Slumber” episode, featuring an evening/night suburban backyard recording that includes the denizens of late-summer critter noise. Last year, we were in Central Ohio.
I extended the basketball episode (2024). It is one of my favorite episodes for sleep. However, the issue was that I would fall asleep, and due to episode length, I would wake up in a thunderstorm episode.
If y’all have any other shorter episodes you’d like to see extended, let me know.

Mars Rover adventure! Take a long-distance journey over a smooth-ish Martian terrain with a lovable Mars Rover. This week’s episode uses some real Martian Rover sounds (and some simulated) with wind, static, and interplanetary drift. Whether you're studying, working, reading, sleeping, or unwinding after a long day, this immersive ambient soundscape provides the perfect background soundtrack. No talking, no interruptions—just red planet vibes. Ignore the World.
_____________
For this week’s episode, we will (fictionally) tap into the microphones of a Mars Rover and listen in as it takes a long journey across the surface of the planet named after the Roman god of war. And I can tell by that wind-up that this episode description is going to get daff. Save yourselves.
Ooph, before I continue, I know I have been going on and on about renaming myself Mr. Ambience the last two weeks—I did rename myself Mr. Ambience, much to my wife’s chagrin. Then I did a search for “Mr. Ambience,” and some person has already staked out that name… Which will make my wife laugh because she thought the name was ridiculous.
I thought maybe I could try “Not Mr. Ambience,” but that reads agro to my ears. Dr. Ambience would be great… unfortunately, I am not a doctor. I did assist a professor once by helping them move into a new apartment—does Assistant Professor Ambience sound feasible? I should workshop this offline—
Because the fabulously windy and otherworldly red surface calls to us. So we must rove. It’ll be the great American road movie, just not a film and not in America or on the planet.
Look, I (conveniently) chose fictionalized Mars Rover movements. This allows me to play with sounds that would be inaudible on the surface of Mars (at least distant sounds, more below) and add boops and beeps (because people love that ****). It also allows me to do something more fun with the metal wheels. You can hear them in the Perseverance Rover driving highlights from NASA (imagine rocks rolling in lobster pots).
I included the actual Mars Rover sounds (NASA/JPL-Caltech/LANL/CNES/CNRS/ISAE-SUPAERO) in this ambient construction, but they are mostly dialed back.
I want to mention that sound works differently on Mars because of a range of factors. And you shouldn’t trust me to be right about that; I was a communication major.
Ambient audio on Mars behaves differently because of the planet's extremely thin, cold atmosphere and its composition. Lower frequencies travel farther, while high frequencies dissipate more quickly.
I point this out so you know I held this reality while designing this week’s episode, and (thoughtfully) breached the ****. I don’t know why I feel like Carl Sagan would want to get me for being wrong. Honestly, whenever I’m talking about space with my kids, in the back of my mind Carl Sagan is disapproving. Look at me mentioning Carl Sagan more in this week’s episode than our episode about the Golden Records (shout out to Carl Sagan).
…And so, to deflect from my uncomfortability with trying to explain science in the first place—I am now definitively saying that low frequency is KING on Mars. For the Elysium Planitia music festival I’m planning [airhorn], there will be no Captain & Tennille or Jeffrey Osborne (bc no one would hear anything).
So... introducing the 2027 Elysium Bass Festival (we’ll be using influencers but not Ja Rule): 95 South, the Quad City DJs, and DJ Magic Mike is the headliner.

Episode cover includes an image from NASA.

Sit in an enclosed bathroom for ten hours. It’s just you in a tiny room with a bath, the fan, and some drift. Whether you're studying, working, reading, sleeping, or unwinding after a long day, this immersive ambient soundscape provides the perfect background soundtrack. No talking, no interruptions—just pure bath in its own tiny bathroom vibe. Ignore the world.
_________
So, for my wife’s birthday, I took her to a boutique hotel with a small, fancy room with a bath inside of the overall bathroom so she could read and enjoy the quiet. I did not record during that time. We went downstairs to the restaurant, and that is when I set up the mic in the fancy little bathroom inside the bigger bathroom. (Also, I don’t want to ruin any illusion in regards to this episode—but no water was wasted.)
Speaking of my wife—I told her that in last week’s episode description I jokingly referred to myself as “Mr. Ambience.” And she was like, “That’s stupid.”
It started as a throwaway line and meandered into my heart.
Oh, while we’re on last week’s episode, which is awesome and you should pop over here. But we were talking about Pat Conroy, and I got to thinking: in another universe, Pat Conroy could have wound up in the NBA. He was a talented baller (and even once shared the court with Mr. NBA Logo Silhouette, Jerry West) if he hadn’t been moved around so much as a kid (see his also very good book My Losing Season).
Mr. Ambience. I like it. Makes me feel like I have a walking cane and a monocle—that I’m some kind of dapper son of a *****. That is Mr. Ambience. I bet if I were strolling the boutique hotel, swinging around a walking stick like I didn’t need it, focusing my monocle on railroad stocks and chatting aloud about my cottage on Lake Conemaugh, the staff would call me Mr. Ambience.
Oh, I (Mr. Ambience) have a quandary this week. I know I can’t be the only person who, sans any floss, got a piece of fingernail stuck between their teeth because, yeah, no dental floss. And you go from uncomfortable with food particle pressure and wedge a ****** fingernail in there too.
I wonder how often it happens to people who are not me (i.e., more normal). There was a time when I thought for sure I was the only doofus making issues worse like that for their teeth.

POP OFF ten hours of uninterrupted bubbles and assorted popping. Chill vinyl pops, soda pops, popcorn, bubbles, and a dash of drift. Whether you're studying, working, reading, sleeping, or unwinding after a long day, this immersive ambient soundscape provides the perfect background soundtrack. No talking, no interruptions—just pure poppin' vibes. Ignore the World.
_______
As I was working on the title for this week’s episode, I kept thinking of a comedic moment from media that I couldn't place... maybe cartoons? Where a doofus character keeps obnoxiously shouting “POP OFF!”
Oh, where are my manners? Welcome back to the section no one pays attention to. The uncommon ambience episode description! I am Mr. Ambience.
What? Do you want me to write up some immersive episode description? I have assembled a collection of popping sounds for ten hours—I don’t think anyone wants to read an old doofus' poetic affectation. "You are in a null space and in front of you is a soda bottle, if you drink it you will float..."
I would rather be inane in here. When I turned 23, I decided my ultimate mission on earth was to achieve the pinnacle of dumb. Not stupid, I like dumb. Dumb is low stakes—simultaneously funny and unfunny. The Tao of Dumb—thats what I wanted and still strive for. And that’s not to say I like that 23-year-old me. I’ve seen postings on LinkedIn, “I wish I had a Time Machine to go back and tell my younger self, you're ok…” Like that might work for virtuous people—if I had access to my younger self, I would slap the **** out of me. It’d be Looper without murder or hovering motorcycles.
“POP OFF!” What cartoon or movie was that from? And then it came to me—like seeing someone pushing an expensive stroller, and you peek in for the cuteness and there’s a ****** dog. Or a plastic baby.
I’m thinking of Pat Conroy’s The Lords of Discipline.
“POP OFF” was what the cadre shouted at freshmen when they wanted freshmen to speak... while hazing them at the Carolina Military Institute.
If you want to read a visceral horror novel masked as a not particularly compelling mystery (Conroy tells us about the guy who would have evidence on “the ten” early in the book and only a betrayal would force the main character to seek it, mystery solved)—read The Lords of Discipline. And I don’t want to undersell the mystery aspect of the book, because it isn't the star. The institution is the star (and i suspect a trauma dump from the author).
If Anton Chigurh was an institution of higher learning...
The Carolina Military Institute lashes out at those who question it. In the story, the protagonist recalls approaching his dorm during his freshman year, where his orientation leaders are waiting for him at a table. He’s a new student and has some questions about what to do after checking in—and is punched for asking.
It’s a horror novel. Imagine enrolling in a 1970s-era South Carolina military college (that’s just getting around to integration) and the ruthless hazing that awaits. This is old school military school terror.
Conroy is a favorite author of mine. He gives such a lush rendering to his scenes. The spaces he describes are immersive, making it all the more jarring when transitioning from the opulence and architectural beauty of South of Broad to the engulfing ick of hazing in a scalding-hot shower room.
We’re heading into spooky season, so if you want to be traumatized this fall, pick up The Lords of Discipline. (A better title would have been, Don't Tell Mom the Institute Murdered Me).
PS: If you’re looking for a tenuous 90’s hiphop connection to this week’s episode (that’s fun and won’t traumatize you) check out Bubblin’ by CRU.

7/28 Thunder! Pack your umbrella for ten hours of uninterrupted severe weather (with drift and drums). So if you dig rain, percussion, thunder, a little bit of vinyl hiss paired with wind, this episode is for you. Whether you're studying, working, reading, sleeping, or unwinding after a long day, this immersive ambient soundscape provides the perfect background soundtrack. No talking, no interruptions—just pure summer storm energy. Ignore the World.
_______

And just FYI, this one starts quiet and builds to the deluge. I toned down the thunder, so it's all rumbles—no jump-scare stuff. This Mid-Atlantic thunderstorm was recorded on 7/28 in my thunderstorm recording studio (my dreadful, much-repeated dad term for "shed").

As with many people, I have a personal relationship with severe weather. Gawd, what a terrible sentence. Why does everything need a setup? I mean, we do this: "Hark, I have poetry in my setup, and now I may list my bonafides." Can't just start listing a bunch of named storms and then, "I was there, man."

I have some experience with Mother Nature's power. Hurricane Hugo in Camden, SC (1989), Hurricane Bob in Edgartown (1991), and Snowmageddon on a D.C.-area highway. Snowmageddon, for me, was eight hours to get from Rosslyn to Ashburn, and around the halfway point I got out on the toll road and took a pee in front of everyone.

Hell, I was even in a derecho, and WTOP retweeted a few of my photos (so exciting). I like severe weather.

Actually, I like the moments leading up to severe weather. It's like the lift hill of a roller coaster—it builds excitement (and is my favorite part because it's slow).

When I got a weather alert on my phone telling me to take shelter... I didn't do that. I ran to the shed with a microphone.

Then I came back into the house and took a shower.

No, I'm kidding. Yeesh, now that I look it up on Reddit... taking a shower during a thunderstorm could be a bad idea. Apparently some dude was zapped unconscious while showering in a golf clubhouse.