3 Books With Neil Pasricha

Happy Hunter's Moon, everyone!
The nights are getting longer here in Toronto.
Suddenly there seems to be a lot more time alone with that voice inside our heads …
The one that wakes you up at 2am and decides now is the perfect time to question everything you said yesterday while trying to pre-process the things that may go wrong tomorrow.
How do we know when useful thinking turns into overthinking
Our guest today is a psychologist, neuroscientist, Professor of Psychology and Management & Organizations at the University of Michigan, and one of the world's leading researchers on the voice inside our heads ... Professor ​Ethan Kross​.
He's also the director of ​Michigan University's Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory​, where he studies how we can manage our thoughts and emotions. For nearly two decades his research has investigated a deceptively simple question: How can we control our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours when they stop being helpful?
You might know Ethan Kross from his bestselling book '​Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It​,' which has been translated into more than 40 languages.
His follow-up bestseller, '​Shift: Managing Your Emotions—So They Don't Manage You​,' explores how we can better understand and manage our emotions.
And his newest release, '​Chatter: The Workbook​,' published earlier this year, offers practical exercises to help us stop overthinking and put our inner voice to work.
So ... what exactly is chatter? And how is it different from simply thinking about a problem? Ethan gives us a wonderfully simple answer: Are you making forward progress?
Our inner voice helps us plan, remember, imagine, solve problems, make decisions, and understand ourselves.
The trouble begins when we keep circling the same problem without getting anywhere.
When introspection turns into rumination ... when thinking turns into overthinking. Ethan has spent his career figuring out what we can actually do about it.
We discuss how to create psychological distance from our problems, what Ethan does when chatter wakes him up at 2am, why constantly checking the news can make us more anxious, how nature changes the way our minds work, why experiencing awe can help shrink our problems back down to size, the surprising power of simply helping other people, and, of course ... Professor Ethan Kross's 3 most formative books.
Let's flip the page to Chapter 166 now ...

Hey everyone,

Years ago I was browsing through a bookstore when I stumbled on a small purple book called 'I'm Afraid of Men' by Vivek Shraya. I flipped it open and was transfixed.

It showed me a view and a lens and a perspective I had no familiarity with. I ended up buying more of Vivek's books, including A Boy & The Bindi, and when her live memoir stage show How To Fail As A Pop Star visited Toronto my wife Leslie and I bought tickets and joined the giant standing ovation.

Since we recorded this conversation, Vivek's work has expanded across books, music, theatre, TV, film, and fashion. She created and wrote the CBC Gem adaptation of How to Fail as a Popstar, which premiered internationally at Cannes and went on to win Canadian Screen Awards for Best Web Program or Series and Best Writing. She is now a three-time Canadian Screen Award winner, released her eleventh solo album New Models in 2025, an alter ego project VIVICA earlier this year, and her thirteenth book, the dystopian novel 'The Hystericals', arrived last month. 

Vivek navigates complex topics—topics most people aren't willing to discuss—with a comfort and clarity that shows deep thinking, partly resulting from the hardships she's endured and navigated throughout her life. 
In this conversation we talk about how parents can avoid snuffing out their children's gender creativity, how we might think about pronouns, traditional trans narratives, and how loving others can teach us how to love ourselves. I loved talking to her and hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did.
Let's flip the page back to Chapter 53…

Happy full moon, everybody!
It is the harvest moon and our leaves are falling here in Toronto.
Time for change! Unavoidable, right? Sure, but maybe ... we can control how we react to it.
My guest today has spent nearly six decades (!) studying ​learned optimism​, ​authentic happiness​, ​human flourishing​, and (his latest pursuit!) ​agency​ and his work is cited by thousands and taught in psychology courses worldwide.
I am thrilled to come to 3 Books the co-founder of positive psychology Dr. Martin Seligman!
In 1998, Marty was elected President of the ​American Psychological Association​ by the largest vote in its history. He launched positive psychology—he created it!—with ​Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi​, the psychologist who gave us '​Flow​,' and his work helped shape and influence so much of what we think about our minds and including past 3 Books guests ​Sonja Lyubomirsky​ and ​Shawn Achor​.
Working at the University of Pennsylvania and ​founding the Positive Psychology Center​, where he's the Zellerbach Family Professor of Psychology, Martin's lab has run everything from the Penn Resilience Program, which has trained teachers and students around the world, to large-scale resilience programs for the U.S. Army, to more recent work on human progress and agency.
Which brings us to his new book!
'​Agency: The Psychological History of Human Progress​' just came out a few weeks ago and it's an ambitious project analyzing millennia of history—from Periclean Athens and the Hebrew Torah through the Renaissance, the Enlightenment, and the Civil Rights Movement—with Martin arguing that the hidden engine of human progress isn't geography or money or war ... but agency itself.
Tune in as we discuss what agency is, how humans have progressed over centuries, techniques to overcome overthinking, how to use AI to positively impact our lives, whether AI is a new species, positive psychology tips to building strong marriages, abundant living, sexual desire, the definition of a good leader, and of course ... Martin Seligman's 3 most formative books.
Let's flip the page to Chapter 165 now ...

A few years ago I was lucky enough to cross paths with Wagner Moura.
He was on the eve of releasing his film '​Sergio​' after a long run playing Pablo Escobar in the hit series '​Narcos​.' Since then I've watched as his acting career has channeled upwards and onwards into feature roles in '​Civil War​', '​Dope Thief​', and his star turn in '​The Secret Agent​' where he won 'Best Actor' at both the Golden Globes and Cannes and was nominated for 'Best Actor' at the Oscars.
Over the years Wag ("Vag") has become a dear friend. He's a massive heart, a fellow "boy dad", and he and his wife San live life with such a deep passion for humanity, always fighting for causes, and endlessly following their dreams. I have been inspired watching him and learning from him and in this chat I think you'll get a taste for the massive beauty that lies inside.
In this chat we discuss the hinterlands of Brazil, how we stand up for what we believe in, creating art in times of crisis, and, of course, the incredible Wagner Moura's 3 most formative books.
Let's flip back to Chapter 52 now....

Happy full moon, everybody!
 
Humans are the most social species on the planet. 
 
So ... why don't we act like it? Why is loneliness rising? Why are we increasingly entombed in echo chambers? What is preventing us from connecting? 
Enter Nick Epley, Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business and one of the world's leading researchers on the psychology of social interaction.

Nick grew up in rural Iowa, lives in Chicago with his family, and has spent his career asking a deceptively simple question: Why do the most social creatures on Earth often choose to be less social than they could be?

Nick is the author of 'Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want', and his newest book, 'A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection'.

His research spans social cognition, perspective-taking, loneliness, anthropomorphism, and why our judgments about people are so often inaccurate. Nick has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and on NPR. His course at Booth, 'Designing a Good Life', is an ethics course exploring how to build lives that are ethical, successful, and genuinely fulfilling, and it's among the school's most sought-after classes.

Pull up a chair and let's talk about the differences between introversion and extroversion, the ethics of a good life, parenting five children (yes, five!), how technology is affecting the ways we socialize, the uncertainty effect, finding wisdom, and of course… Nick Epley's 3 most formative books.

Let's flip the page to chapter 164 now…