Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

• MFP 349: Why Have Kids? an Interview with the author of Hannah’s Children

  “I think that bringing children into the world is like bringing holiness into the world.” - Catherine Pakaluk   Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia sit down with Catherine Pakaluk, economist and author of Hannah’s Children, to challenge common cultural myths about large families. Secular researchers often assume religious women have many children because they are oppressed, but Catherine explains why this is far from true. Instead, faith gives parents the conviction that children are a blessing and the true good of marriage. Struggles, dysfunction, or finances exist in every family, regardless of size—yet joy comes from embracing life, not avoiding it. Mothers discover their fullest potential through their children, and their joy isn’t tied to public opinion or material resources. Parenthood is priceless, a long-term collaboration with God, who always gives grace when we say yes to Him.   Key Takeaways Secular researchers assume that religious women have many children because they are oppressed.  This is a myth.  A conviction formed by faith that children are a good of marriage is not irrational.  Religious women often are more open to children because they see children as a blessing and their “yes” is an assent to receiving those blessings from God. Many people use their dysfunctions and struggles as an excuse to not have more children, but the reality is that those issues are present regardless of the number of children you have.  Mothers achieve their full potential through their children.  Most mothers of large families don’t care what people say because their joy doesn’t come from that anyway.  Financial incentives to have children don’t work because most parents don’t need more material resources to have more children. Parenting is so valuable that money can’t buy it.  It is priceless.  Mothers should never focus on “being done”.  Embrace your fertility and God will give you the grace when you need it. This is a long-term collaboration with the Lord.    Couple Discussion Questions Do we talk about “being done”?  Or do we talk about “getting started”?   Do we see children as a blessing?  Do we want more blessings in our lives right now?  Resources Buy the book on Amazon:  https://a.co/d/gEGkjEy  

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• MFP 348: Field of Dreams for Families

  Summary Every family inherits a legacy, both the blessings and the struggles, yet God calls us to build something new with Him. In this episode, Mike and Alicia reflect on the importance of having a dream for your family that goes beyond survival mode and day-to-day busyness. Drawing inspiration from the film Field of Dreams, they explore how couples can discern God’s vision for their home, create a legacy of love, and take bold, countercultural steps together. Whether you’re just starting out or sending kids off to college, this conversation will encourage you to pray, dream, and act with faith that “if you build it, HE will come.”  Key Takeaways Legacy Matters: We inherit patterns from our families of origin, but we can choose what to keep, redeem, or leave behind. Dream Beyond Today: God calls us to think not just about survival, but about a vision that shapes generations.  Unity in Marriage: A shared dream unites spouses, strengthens families, and becomes a witness to others. God Provides the Tools: He uses the gifts, circumstances, and desires already present in your life to shape His vision for your family. Practical Step: Pray together, journal your inspirations, and start with simple habits that align with your family’s God-given dream.  Couple Discussion Questions What legacies from your families of origin do you want to keep—and which ones do you want to leave behind? If you looked five or ten years into the future, what would you want your children (or future children) to say about your family? Where do you see God already giving you the “building blocks” for His dream for your family? What small, concrete step can we take this week to begin living into that dream together? For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

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• MFP 347 Families Under Fire - Facing Cultural Challenges

  The family is where children discover how to be human. - Archbishop Charles Chaput   Summary   In this episode, Mike and Alicia tackle some of the toughest family challenges with honesty, humor, and hope. These questions were submitted to us at the Midwest Family Conference, but we never got to them! We talk about things like how to respond to a loved one with a temper or a dysfunctional family that seems to fight constantly. What practical steps can parents take to guard their family culture when outside influences pull in the opposite direction? Mike emphasizes the irreplaceable role of fathers—especially in having honest conversations with teenage sons about life’s toughest issues. Alicia offers encouragement for wives supporting their husbands as spiritual leaders, even in the messiness of daily life. Together, they share practical strategies for cultivating virtue—reminding parents that even when kids bring out our weaknesses, God uses family life to make us holy.   Key Takeaways We always need to start with ourselves when we come up against difficult relationships in the family.  All of us are to work on helping other family members - spouse and children - to grow in holiness.  Your family culture needs to be strong to inoculate your children against the culture of the world. Parents’ love for each other and joy in their relationship is essential in bringing peace and positivity to the home.  The father’s role in the life of his teen son and in the spiritual leadership of the home is irreplaceable.  It is not your job to make your kids into saints - its their job to make you into a saint!  Couple Discussion Questions What do we need to work on in our marriage to bring more love and joy into our home?  How can we be a better example for our kids?  Are there issues with our kids that we need to discuss?  What do we need to improve in our family culture?    Resources Anger in Parenting https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-076-anger-in-parenting/ Preparing for Adolescence: https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-005-preparing-your-tween-and-yourself-for-adolescence/ Women Wonderfully Made Webinar Catholiccouplesgetaway.com

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• MFP 346: Jake & Heather Khym on Discipleship, Parenting, and Authentic Connection

  "Discipleship isn’t about perfection—it’s about intimacy with Jesus. He is drawn to our weakness, not our strength." - Jake Khym   Summary In this deeply insightful episode, Jake and Heather Khym explore one of the greatest challenges facing Catholics today: true discipleship. They share how the heart of a disciple embraces God as a good Father who desires intimacy over perfection. You'll hear powerful wisdom on parenting—letting go of the lie that we must “save” our children—and embracing our need for God. The Khyms also unpack how to navigate emotional overwhelm by slowing down and seeing ourselves through God’s eyes. Learn practical tools to build empathy and connection in marriage, like listening without judgment, advice, or blame. Finally, discover why we all need spiritual community throughout every stage of life. This episode is packed with grace, truth, and encouragement—don’t miss it!   Key Takeaways The most significant challenge among Catholics today is discipleship. The heart of a disciple believes that God is a good Father. Jesus is not looking for us to be perfect or do everything right; instead, He desires intimacy with us.  He is drawn to our weakness.  Parents need to be aware of the heresy that we are our children’s saviors.  We are not. They need God more than they need us.  When we are overwhelmed by our emotions, we need first to slow down.  Then see ourselves as God sees us.  In building connection and empathy with our spouses, ask them to share with us their story, and then we need to hear that story without JAB - no judgment, advice, or blame.  We all tend to be self-reliant, and that is why we need community at every stage, every season in our lives.    Couple Discussion Questions On your next date night, take some time to hear the story of your spouse. This may be something that you think about ahead of time and prepare for.  Sharing hearts and vulnerability in this way is key to a deeper relationship.  How can we work at seeing ourselves and each other with the eyes of the Father?  How can we see as God sees?    

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• MFP 345: The Tech Exit with Clare Morell

  “If we want our children to be happy and successful, if we want them to reach their highest potential in self-transcendence, then the most important thing we can do is replace screens with activities that turn their focus outward.” —Clare Morell Summary It’s no secret that addictive digital technologies like smartphones and social media apps are harming a generation of kids socially, mentally, and even physically. But a workable solution seems elusive. After all, don’t kids need phones, and won’t they be vulnerable or socially isolated without them? In this interview with Clare Morell, author of The Tech Exit, we discuss the lies parents have been sold about parental controls, screen-time limits, and even the effectiveness of screens in the classroom. There is another way!  If you need a shot in the arm to make the break from tech, listen in and see how digital technology is anything but necessary for children to live happy, healthy, and socially full lives.     Key Takeaways Putting limits on something immediately implies harm. Why are we choosing to expose our children to something that is harmful?  Dopamine that is released when a child uses screens affects the brain like a drug and produces cravings, not satisfaction.   Since screens have been in our schools, math and reading scores have hit an all time low.   Replace screen time with responsibilities and tasks, as well as hobbies and play.  Screens make us all feel like we don’t need other people.  It decreases community inherently,  Life is not about being constantly amused and entertained.  We all need time for reflection, activity, and boredom.     Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with the screen time use in our home right now?  Are we happy with our own screen time?  How can we be better?  How have screens affected our family life?  What do we want to change about this?    Resources thetechexit.com  clare.morell.substack.com Messy Family Guide to Tech:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/  

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