Beyond the Buzzwords: Why Trauma Knowledge Transforms Parenting with Melissa Pemberton
Stepping into foster care or adoption without understanding trauma is like trying to navigate unfamiliar terrain without a map. That's why this conversation with Melissa Pemberton, a trauma-aware licensed therapist and parent coach with over 20 years of experience in child welfare, is absolutely essential listening for anyone caring for children from hard places.Melissa shares her personal journey from being a teen mom with her own childhood trauma to becoming a powerful advocate for trauma-informed parenting approaches. She explains why traditional parenting methods often fail with children who have experienced early adversity—even those adopted at birth—and offers practical insights that transform how we understand challenging behaviors.Whether you're already fostering or adopting, considering this path, or simply want to better support families in your community, this episode provides essential insights that will forever change how you view children's behaviors and your role in their healing journey. Download Melissa's free resource on regulating your nervous system and connect with her at mendingfamilieswa.com to continue learning these transformative approaches.Melissa's Info:www.mendingfamilieswa.comwww.instagram.com/mendingfamilieswaFREEBIE for listeners - 6 Tips to Calm your Nervous System - https://mending-families.myflodesk.com/calmOTHER RESOURCES Mentioned:Get Nicole's Newsletter: https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fosterparentwellnewsletter Mending Families Podcast: https://www.mendingfamilieswa.com/mending-families-podcastEmpowered to Connect Podcast: https://empowered-to-connect-podcast.castos.com/ The Connected Child: https://a.co/d/h6Ddu1v The Connected Parent: https://a.co/d/bl2Gwy9 Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: https://a.co/d/hDQXcDQ I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
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Breaking the Cycle: Parenting with Trauma Awareness with April Ficklin
What happens when the romanticized dream of adoption crashes into the complex realities of parenting children from trauma? April Ficklin knows this collision intimately. From a teenage mission trip where she first felt called to adoption, to the Good Friday when her family doubled overnight with the addition of two siblings from foster care, April's journey has been one of profound transformation.The chaos was immediate. Despite years of successful parenting with her biological children, April found herself utterly unprepared for the behaviors that emerged from her adopted children's fear responses. "I'm not the parent I used to be. I'm not the parent I thought I would be. I'm definitely not the mom I want to be," she remembers thinking during those early days.This raw conversation peels back the layers of what trauma-aware parenting truly demands. April shares how she discovered that traditional parenting methods focused on compliance and behavior correction were failing both her children and herself. The breakthrough came when she shifted her entire approach from changing behaviors to building trust - recognizing that she needed to prove her trustworthiness before expecting her children to trust her.Now working as an adoption professional and raising four teenagers, April offers a message of hope grounded in reality. Healing happens, but it's measured in moments like when her once fiercely independent child said, "Mama made me a peanut butter sandwich. That's what mamas do." Those small victories reveal the power of connection-based parenting that values relationship over compliance.Whether you're considering adoption, in the trenches of foster parenting, or simply want to understand trauma-responsive approaches better, this conversation offers both practical wisdom and heartfelt encouragement. The journey may not be what you expected, but the healing – for both you and your children – is worth every step.Please connect with April by following her growing Instagram account where she shares encouragement for stressed out moms, tips for trust-based parenting, and stories to help create hope in the overwhelm. https://www.instagram.com/april_ficklin/The Connected Child: https://www.amazon.com/Connected-Child-healing-adoptive-family/dp/0071475001TBRI: https://child.tcu.edu/about-us/tbri/#sthash.3OROkCJX.dpbsNicole's 5 Day Belly Blast Challenge: http://www.fasterwaycoach.com/5-day-belly-blast-2025?aid=nicolebarlowI'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
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Faith in the Trenches
God shows up in extraordinary ways for foster parents when we embrace the truth that we're participating in His holy work of restoration and redemption.• His grace is sufficient for our weakness, covering our doubts, fears, and mistakes• New mercies arrive each morning—only when we need them, not a moment sooner• Hard things are exactly what Jesus calls us to, equipped with His strength and comfort• We are not invisible—God sees every midnight cry, pantry prayer, and moment of faithfulness• Our service is bigger than we realize—we're friends of God helping bring His plans to lifeKeep saying yes, keep pressing into Him, even when your voice is shaking. This is holy ground you're walking on, and God is not finished with your story.I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
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Beyond Behavior Management: The Parent's Journey to Felt Safety
The tension between fostering deep relationships and managing difficult behaviors sits at the heart of every foster and adoptive parent's journey. In this deeply personal exploration, we uncover why our focus often shifts from connection to control—and the surprising neurological reasons behind it.When behaviors are under control and there's order in our homes, we feel safe. But what happens when our peace becomes dependent on our children's compliance? We end up parenting from exhaustion rather than connection, creating a cycle that works against the very healing we're trying to facilitate.Your nervous system responds to stress just like your child's does. When you don't feel safe, you move into fight-flight-freeze-fawn mode, making it neurologically impossible to parent with patience and wisdom. Even when you know better, your survival brain takes over—leading to burnout, anxiety, and disconnection.Building felt safety from within changes everything. Through spiritual practices, predictable routines, environmental comfort, supportive relationships, appropriate boundaries, and essential wellness habits, you can create internal regulation that doesn't depend on external circumstances. Each practice—from morning prayer to consistent hydration, from soft lighting to meaningful conversations with understanding friends—sends powerful signals to your brain that you are safe.This isn't about luxury or self-indulgence. It's about creating the neurological foundation you need to show up as the regulated, connected parent your children need. When you build felt safety from the inside out, you can finally address behavior while strengthening connection rather than damaging it.If you're ready to break free from survival mode parenting, join our six-week wellness challenge starting March 24th, where we'll take small, doable steps toward creating lasting felt safety—for you and your whole family.Join my 6 Week Wellness Challenge: https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/?aid=nicolebarlowSubscribe to my newsletter! https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fosterparentwellnewsletter I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
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35:26
Before You Correct in Trauma Parenting
What happens in that critical moment when your child's behavior pushes your buttons? That split second before you respond determines whether your correction will actually work or simply bounce off ineffectively.Foster and adoptive parents know the struggle all too well—the same behaviors repeating despite countless corrections. But what if the key isn't what you say during correction, but what you've established beforehand?Drawing from neuroscience and trauma-informed approaches, this episode reveals the four non-negotiable steps required before any effective correction: regulation, trust, connection, and instruction. I break down why your nervous system must calm before you can help regulate your child's, and how co-regulation creates the biological foundation for receptive listening.You'll discover practical techniques like "Yes Jars" that build attachment cycles with resistant children, and understand why connection feels so difficult when a child pushes away (hint: it's your brain's reciprocity response protecting you from rejection). Most importantly, you'll learn why teaching expected behaviors during calm moments is essential—because correction without instruction is just punishment.Whether you're struggling with a child who seems to resist every boundary or simply want to make your guidance more effective, these foundational principles will transform your approach to discipline. Your patience and consistency in these four areas creates the safety necessary for lasting behavioral change.Ready to see correction that actually sticks? Start with just one of these principles this week and watch what happens. Share this episode with another foster or adoptive parent who needs this encouragement—because even when change isn't visible yet, your impact is real.6 Week Challenge: https://stan.store/nicoletbarlow/p/6-week-coaching-groupGet my newsletter! https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fosterparentwellnewsletter I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
Foster Parent Well is the go-to podcast for foster and adoptive parents who are navigating the complexities of parenting children with trauma while trying to stay sane in the process. Hosted by Nicole T Barlow, a foster and adoptive mom of six, parent trainer, and wellness coach, this podcast is where faith, resilience, and practical strategies come together. If you're feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted from the daily realities of foster care and adoption—you're not alone. Here, we have real conversations about the hard stuff: attachment struggles, secondary trauma, parenting beyond behaviors, and the deep emotional weight of loving kids from hard places. But we also talk about you—your health, your nervous system, your faith, and the small, sustainable ways you can care for yourself so you can keep showing up for your kids. Expect practical tips, faith-based encouragement, expert insights, and zero sugarcoating—just real, honest talk about what it takes to foster well, adopt well, and most importantly, stay well in the process. Because parenting kids with trauma is a marathon, not a sprint—and you were never meant to run it alone. 🎧 Subscribe now and let’s do this together!
Österreich