Foster Parent Well

Trauma-informed care isn’t a better behavior chart. It’s a whole new way of seeing what’s happening underneath the behavior in the body, the brain, and the nervous system and it changes how we parent the moment we truly get it.

We sit down with Dana Hargus, a mental health counselor with 25 years of experience and the founder of Biofeedback and Counseling and Restore of Ada. Dana explains why so many foster and adoptive kids don’t need “more discipline” first, they need regulation and felt safety. We talk about what constant transitions and multiple placements do to a child’s trust, why correction without connection backfires, and how expecting gratitude from kids who are grieving can quietly break attachment. Along the way, we connect the dots between trauma, fight flight freeze, developmental delays, and the real-life moments that push parents into reactivity and burnout.

Dana also walks us through biofeedback (neurofeedback) in plain language: what it is, how it works, and why it can help with anxiety, rage, sleep issues, PTSD symptoms, and chronic stress by training the brain toward calmer patterns. We dig into the Restore of Ada model and why a whole-person approach matters, including gut health, toxins, heart rate variability, and practical nervous system supports that don’t require perfection. You’ll leave with doable next steps like grounding, morning sunlight, hydration, protein, breathing, and building one sustainable habit at a time.

If you’ve been looking for trauma-informed parenting tools that actually match what your child’s nervous system can handle, this conversation will give you a clearer lens and real hope. Subscribe, share this with a foster or adoptive parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find this support.
Dana's Links:
Restore of Ada: https://restoreofada.com/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/restoreofada
Instagram: https://instagram.com/restoreofada
Connect with me on Instagram:     
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

“Would you please hold her until she dies?” That question stopped us in our tracks, and it’s where Judy Wright’s story begins. Judy and her husband foster for 12 years, welcome 55 babies, and think they’ve seen it all, until a two-month-old leaves the NICU weighing four pounds with intense medical needs and an uncertain future. What follows is a raw look at medically fragile foster care, where love and skill have to grow side by side, sometimes on no sleep and with a lot of fear.

We walk through what it actually takes to bring a fragile infant home: learning monitors, preparing for CPR, doing glucometer checks, and giving insulin injections to a tiny baby. Judy also shares the emotional side that foster parents don’t always say out loud, the tension of nurturing attachment while also doing painful but necessary care, and the steady faith that carries her through the hardest nights.

Then the story turns into a masterclass in foster parent advocacy. Judy notices patterns others dismiss, pushes for donated breast milk, finds a pediatrician willing to think outside the box, and watches dramatic changes unfold. The medical mystery deepens with a discovery that reshapes everything: Jaden is born with no pancreas. We also talk about trauma-informed care, medical trauma in the NICU, and why foster and adoptive parents often become the most accurate experts on a child’s “normal.”

We end with permanency, adoption transition, and what it looks like when adults choose the child’s best interest over their own comfort. If you’ve ever wondered whether you could handle a high-needs placement, or you’re in the thick of it right now, this conversation will give you language, courage, and hope. Subscribe, share with a foster parent friend, and leave a review to help more families find this support. What’s one area where you need courage to advocate today?
JUDY WRIGHT:
Alongside her late husband, John, Judy Wright fostered fifty-five children over twelve years, many of them medically fragile. Their home became a place where readiness was ordinary: bassinets carried up in the night, doctor visits folded into the week, and children held without any promise of what would happen next.
The work brought her inside hospitals, courtrooms, case plans, and the daily realities of caring for children whose lives were already marked by instability, medical trauma, and loss. In 2012, she and John were named Michigan Foster Parents of the Year by the Michigan Supreme Court.
She did not set out to become a writer. She became one because some things she witnessed could not go unwritten. Just Hold Her drawn from the spiral notebooks she kept during one child’s long medical vigil, is her debut memoir.
The memoir came later. The work of staying came first.
Judy speaks to foster, medical, and faith-aware communities about presence, caregiving, and the courage required to remain available.
Book: https://justholdher.com/

Connect with me on Instagram:     
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

We talk with foster parent and pediatric physical therapist Dr. Trevor Carlson about why early childhood development still affects our kids long after infancy. We walk through practical milestone windows, red flags, and simple ways we can help our kids build skills with hope and clarity. 
• Why missed early milestones can show up later in regulation and connection 
• When to talk with the pediatrician and ask about early intervention 
• How to describe concerns when we do not have a full history 
• Gross motor milestones to watch from rolling to walking 
• Why crawling varies and what it can support later 
• How prenatal drug exposure can affect brain arousal and sleep 
• The difference between physical therapy and occupational therapy 
• Clues that suggest a neurological issue, including asymmetry 
• Why parent education and everyday play drive progress 
• Where to find Dr. Carlson’s book, blog, email, and milestone checklist 
Would you just take a minute to leave a review wherever you listen?

 Baby Movement Milestones: A Simple Guide for Foster Parents to my website. 
infantpt.com/fosterparentwell
Dr.Trevor Carlson:
trevor@infantpt.com
www.infantpt.com
Dr.Carlson's Book:
https://www.amazon.com/Tummy-Time-Walking-Building-Foundation/dp/B0DRK3WG5Z?crid=AR92ASCKUFH5&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.51VlWH4zo3jSb2t4Mp3AKkwRnypcnRupeEwusdu8T9zhG6V-Uz5V8EngEDZ4duPoMlLFu3QDLahu4074wKTfib_FVi1F7OrrlWLCc0W-5qbamSVidgVuwV1vW--LtIBN_4l2GKLNaPfbrOzD-_D0MH40MkejBfVIj7CmjIpXRosuMOCffjC6pwVGG6al5tv4C5oJFYM9dOgqAxsstHbeIe_9IRkaohF1iAzhOU9L4ns.wTqjbg1EPHmN-0xOa2T03T0F0cWr-5r2MzeCWAPSt1U&dib_tag=se&keywords=tummy+time+to+walking+book&qid=1737383341&sprefix=tummy+time+to+walking,aps,185&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=tummytimetowa-20&linkId=e3537184621b4a7be8126c6bd7b4beb0&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl

Connect with me on Instagram:     
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

We talk through what it really takes to advocate for foster and adoptive kids at school without turning every meeting into a battle. We share a trauma-informed lens for reading behavior, partnering with teachers, and building plans that support nervous systems instead of rewarding or punishing survival responses. 
• why back-to-school transitions hit trauma-impacted kids harder 
• Jennifer’s adoption story and how TBRI reshaped her parenting and school work 
• the Four Rs of trauma-informed care and what “trauma-told” looks like 
• why systems protect systems and how teacher constraints affect support 
• fight flight freeze fawn fib as stress signals, not character flaws 
• why home and school can see different behaviors from the same child 
• co-regulation ideas to share with school staff and what to ask for 
• scaffolding safe alternatives for unsafe behaviors without being permissive 
• how progress often shows up as proximity frequency duration before intensity 
• compassion fatigue in both parents and educators and how gratitude helps 

Before we go, make sure you check the show notes for all the links that Jennifer mentioned today. 

And hey, if you missed last week's episode on transition, go back and give it a listen.

TBRI:  https://child.tcu.edu/tbri/ 
TBRI Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-tbri-podcast/id1566206875 
Empowered to Connect: https://empoweredtoconnect.org/ 
Empowered to Connect Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/empowered-to-connect-podcast/id1522355545 
Robyn Gobbel: https://robyngobbel.com/ 
The Baffling Behavior Show: https://robyngobbel.com/podcast/ 
Dr Lori Desautels: https://revelationsineducation.com/ 

Connect with me on Instagram:     
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

The fastest way to turn a peaceful day into chaos is a simple transition: shoes on, screens off, cleanup time, bedtime. For foster parents and adoptive families, those small pivots can hit like a tidal wave, and it’s easy to wonder why a child who seems “fine” suddenly spirals. We’re opening season four with a practical, hope-filled conversation on transitions and why trauma makes change feel so hard. 

Dr. Brandy-Lea McCombs joins us with deep experience in education and trauma strategies, plus her own perspective as an adoptive mom. Together, we unpack what’s happening in the brain during transitions, including executive function demands and the role of the prefrontal cortex when kids have lived through stress, chaos, and loss of control. We also talk honestly about holidays, moves, school routines, and the long arc of growing up when a child’s developmental age doesn’t match the number on their birthday. 

You’ll walk away with concrete, trauma-informed parenting tools you can use right away: pre-talk that doesn’t overwhelm, side-by-side “walk and talk” conversations, visual supports like calendars and checklists, countdowns and timers that build trust, predictable routines, color coding, and night-before prep to make mornings calmer. We also explore how to slowly scaffold independence without stripping away the supports that help kids succeed, and how faith can live alongside science when we’re setting expectations for obedience and regulation. 

If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent who needs steadier days, and leave a review so more families can find this support.

Ways to connect with Brandy:
Email: mccombsb@nsuok.edu  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stl234/

Connect with me on Instagram:     
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/