Relationship Advice

What does “true intimacy” actually mean—and why do so many couples feel disconnected even when they love each other? In this episode, we sit down with Matthew Raabsmith and Joanna Raabsmith, relationship experts and co-authors of Building True Intimacy, to unpack the deeper layers of connection most relationships are missing.

We dive into their Intimacy Pyramid™ framework—a powerful model that explains why so many relationships struggle at the foundation and how couples can rebuild safety, trust, and emotional closeness from the ground up. From the tension between secrecy and privacy to the complicated realities of checking a partner’s phone, this conversation gets honest about what actually builds (or breaks) trust.

We also explore what happens after betrayal—and whether it’s truly possible for a relationship to come back stronger. If you’ve ever felt stuck, disconnected, or unsure how to rebuild closeness, this episode gives you a clear path forward.

Key Takeaways:

True intimacy defined

Love vs connection gap

Intimacy Pyramid basics

Secrecy vs privacy

Trust after betrayal

One small shift

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Ending a relationship is rarely about one big moment—it’s usually a pattern that keeps repeating despite effort, conversations, and growing awareness. This episode explores how to tell the difference between normal relationship challenges that can be worked through and deeper signs of incompatibility or emotional disconnection. We talk about what it looks like when one or both partners stop showing up, when the same conflicts keep resurfacing without resolution, and when the relationship begins to feel more draining than supportive. You’ll learn how to honestly evaluate whether growth is still happening—or if staying is quietly costing you more than leaving.

Main Talking Points

Repeating patterns

Emotional disconnection

Effort imbalance

Core misalignment

Growth vs. stuck

Fear of leaving

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⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

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⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

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This episode explores the common relationship dynamic where one partner struggles to share vulnerably, and when they finally do, they’re met with criticism, correction, or defensiveness. The hosts explain how these responses unintentionally “punish” vulnerability and reinforce shutdown patterns, even when connection is what both partners want. They emphasize playing the long game—creating safety through validation, patience, and restraint—so vulnerability can grow over time.

Main Talking Points


Pursuer vs withdrawer


Punishing vulnerability


Critiquing delivery


Validation first


Play long game


Create safety

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⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠

⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

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If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
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This episode explores how attachment styles subtly show up on first dates and what to watch for without overanalyzing every interaction. The hosts emphasize that instead of trying to “screen perfectly,” the real work is understanding your own attachment patterns and how they influence who you’re drawn to. By noticing communication patterns, emotional pacing, and responses to vulnerability, you can better identify both anxious and withdrawn tendencies early on.

Main Talking Points


Self-awareness first


Conversation balance


Emotional pacing


Mixed signals


Fast vs slow


Questions to ask

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⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠

⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link!

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

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Telling someone to “calm down” usually does the opposite—it makes people feel dismissed, misunderstood, and even more activated. In this episode, the hosts explore why that phrase backfires in moments of anger, anxiety, disappointment, or excitement, and why it often comes from the other person feeling overwhelmed too. They unpack a better approach: co-regulation through validation, steady presence, gentler tone, and asking what support actually helps.

Main Talking Points:

• Validation first• Tone matters• Co-regulate together• Name the feeling• Ask what helps 

Give Me Discounts!

⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠

⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link!

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
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