Relationship Advice

In this episode, we explore what a negative relationship cycle is and why couples get stuck repeating the same patterns during conflict. We explain how protective moves like criticism, shutdown, fixing, or withdrawal are attempts to regain safety—not signs that one partner is “the problem.” Knowing your cycle helps partners slow things down, take accountability for their part, and reduce shame. This awareness creates the foundation for staying regulated and eventually responding with more vulnerability and connection.

Main Talking Points

• Negative cycles

• Protective moves

• Self-protection patterns

• Triggers & meaning

• Awareness before change

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⁠Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠⁠

⁠⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

⁠⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

⁠⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

⁠⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠⁠ review in iTunes⁠⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
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Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠

Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list.

⁠HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026⁠

Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10

⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠

14 hours of relationship content
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In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla unpack the second pillar of a secure relationship: individuation—the idea that what it’s like to be me is different than what it’s like to be you. 

They explore how differences in processing, upbringing, values, and sensory experiences can turn from “cute quirks” into major points of conflict when partners feel right/wrong instead of just different. You’ll hear real-life examples, role plays, and practical questions you can take back to your own relationship to build more curiosity, compassion, and realistic expectations of each other.

Main Talking Points: • External vs. internal processors • Individuation and attachment • Everyday differences in conflict • Sensory and value clashes • Curiosity over being “right” • Conversation prompts for couples

Give Me Discounts!

Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠

⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠

Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list.

⁠HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026⁠

Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10

⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠

14 hours of relationship content
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Window of Tolerance helps explain why one partner often wants to keep talking while the other shuts down, speeds up, or feels totally overwhelmed. 

In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack how nervous systems have different thresholds, what it looks like to be inside vs. outside your window, and why both partners are usually dysregulated in conflict—just in opposite ways. You’ll learn how to notice your own cues, call a break before things boil over, and use this language to create more safety, empathy, and connection in day-to-day life together.

Main Talking Points: • What “window” means • Different dysregulation styles • Signs you’re in-window • Using body-based cues • Taking breaks wisely • Expanding your window

Check out Relationship Academy!

Cozy Earth⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

⁠Beducate⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

⁠AG1 - ⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠Simple Practice⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

⁠Skylight⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices